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 My mind toxins, redefined.

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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:04 am

Holy god! Speechless I get everytime I read your works. Congratulations, you have just taken up Hasan's spot of being my favourite poet (no offense Hasan, you are still my mentor Razz). This is just too good. And you come up with such good compositions so consistently that its scary. The end seemed a bit abrupt, but I have no complaints. It suited the poem in an unusual way. Please keep writing... Smile

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Feral
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Sat Aug 14, 2010 12:10 am

>the thought<

Thee hath lent me no strength, or solitude as a mask.
Thee hath let me soak in a wallowed tomb of death.
Thee hath forced me to trample the sound of hidden pain.
Thee hath made me a rock.

Thee is a carrion bird, preying on the weak.
Thee is but my executioner, cutting at my neck.
Thee is not my fortress, stabbing at my chest.
Thee has made me cold.

Thee is but a murmur, a ghost of voices old.
And thee is but a tremor, of the cold and useless past.
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Sat Aug 14, 2010 12:17 am

Oohhh.... I wonder who that person or let's say, people that made you... You know what I'm talking about, girl. ;) I love that poem, it talks about things many people keeps on experiencing in their life. Very well-done, as always. :]
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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Sat Aug 14, 2010 6:22 am

My goodness! Speechless. A suggestion Feral. Become a professional poet. You are a natural. More than a natural. Unbelievably good. Inconceivably brilliant. Put these in a book and print it out and I'll eat my cell phone if they don't sale like hot pancakes, or whatever it is that sells hot these days...

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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Mon Aug 16, 2010 9:25 am

Artrain wrote:
Holy god! Speechless I get everytime I read your works. Congratulations, you have just taken up Hasan's spot of being my favourite poet (no offense Hasan, you are still my mentor Razz). This is just too good. And you come up with such good compositions so consistently that its scary. The end seemed a bit abrupt, but I have no complaints. It suited the poem in an unusual way. Please keep writing... Smile


Question; who is hasan? Me be curious. :L
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Mon Aug 16, 2010 9:27 am

His name is potter573 on IF. His thread be the one called Poignance. He's even here on BZ but hasn't posted any of his poems here...

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Feral
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Mon Aug 16, 2010 9:42 am

*nods* I only read a few, but a quiet liked them.

Spawn

Awake now, spawn of evil.
Your sleep was long and slow.
Breathe soul into the furnace.
Reap death between the sky.

Let blood mist across your hands.
And let fear feed your heart.

But, little spawn of evil, fear the light between the clouds.
Keep hidden the burning furnace.
And keep clean your blood stained claws.

Quieten, spawn of evil.
Soon, your time will come.

As soft shadow grows from inside.
And as the darkness shields your eyes.
Soon, little spawn of evil, you'll see how weak they are.

And you'll eat the light that stings you.
You'll tear the world apart.
You'll bathe in crimson ravages.
And souls you'll chain in bronze.

But for know, little spawn, sit and wait for them.
As you grow and fester between them.
And breathe soul towards the fire.
Soon, little spawn, your time will come to feed.

But for now, small spawn of evil, sit still, and wait to seed.
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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Tue Aug 17, 2010 10:10 am

You never fail to amaze me. What an allegory this! One of the best I've ever read. I don't know how you do it, but you always manage to be clear and obscure at the same time. Its just brilliant. I have run out of words to commend you for, a long time ago; so I'll just read and enjoy...

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Feral
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Thu Oct 07, 2010 6:45 am

Tell me something new world;
Something worth the pain.
Show me beauty unsurpassed, so I may change my thoughts.

Time seems to have been through for me.
It runs like liquid metal, and it's yet to be caught.
Show me something true, it's something I fail to see.

If I die and leave this path; something I think I hope.
I don't want to be so solemn, so soaked in retched hurt.

Give something to crush the ice.
To break the knives in my soul.
Give something to make me stay now.
To stop my back to bow.

Or obsidian I do descend now; To leave forever more.
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Thu Oct 07, 2010 7:57 am

>.> what's with this thought of yours. D: you're not gonna die yet, Feral. You still Have a looong road ahead. Btw, I love the poem but the thought is kinda makes me feel unstAble. >.>


Last edited by Giorgia Nelle on Thu Oct 07, 2010 8:00 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Missed a word -_-)
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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Thu Oct 07, 2010 8:18 am

Me loves It.... Feral, Your works are so epic, that I seen no real need for improvement...
Worship AMAZING!

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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Thu Oct 07, 2010 11:28 am

*sighs* This is so not fair. Girls of thirteen are not supposed to write such good poems! I wish I could compose something half as well :S Really loved reading it. Perhaps a comma after 'new' in the first line would be good. Nothing else to say, just to read and enjoy...

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Feral
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Fri Nov 12, 2010 10:16 am


~ Dear nightmare ~

Tell me, worst nightmare, why are you happening now?
I should have seen you coming, and I would've froze your plough.
I could've seen the path you led, the lies you finely webbed.

I see the tomb you've dug for me, and the darkness in your soul.
And I know all you really wanted was someone to look up to you.
And now as a look above me, I really do.

I look into the bloodshot eyes, and the fake frown you have as a mask.
I realize I mean nothing to you, and to you I'm a meaningless task.
You're not going to reach out for me are you?
I swear, you're not going to try.

But for the grave you've trapped me in, and all the pain you coo,
Dear nightmare, as you look upon me, I'd say that I always loved you.
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Sat Nov 13, 2010 6:38 am

O.O

EPIC.

AWESOME.

WOW.

INDESCRIBABLE!

Just totally blew me away, thanks Feral!

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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Thu Dec 30, 2010 9:24 am

Walk across the ash path, and stare into the flames.
Furnace burns before you, such heat not seen before.
You wish to see my mind again, and I’m tired of your games.
Now do you see the pain I’m in? the pain I can’t explore?

Run back across the hills, and shake at iron doors.
Harsh rattles bar your fast escape, despair unfelt before.
You scream into the night again, warming my very core.
Trapped are you again? Dear, my ears are bored.

You’re gone, going gone to me, such pleads are heard no more.
And so what are you waiting for? A savior to save your soul?
You can wait for it for dynasties, but you’re a prisoner on my minds shore.


------------------

Merry Christmas and happy new year by the way! *Waves and grins*
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Fri Jan 07, 2011 7:54 am

*grins* Long time no read. Fantastic these two. The first one was rather interesting. I could see what direction you were pointing in, but the feelings were not particularly clear. The second one was exact opposite. The feelings were clear, but I wasn't sure where you were pointing. *laughs* I've lost my touch on reading anyway, so that's expected. Eitherways, amazing compositions. I'm going to have to read them again, carefully, but none of these were any less than what you had written before. Keep up. Smile

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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Mon Jan 17, 2011 11:01 am

I am on my iPod, so centering it seems like a job I don't want to do :L
-----------

Ash rain that falls above me, the memory of the past.
Magma on the stone walls, and crushed bones that make a path.
Fortresses of dead bodies, suspended in the air.
And rivers crimson before me, rushing blood lay bare.

What is this place of solitude? Of helplessness and despair?
I did not heed the sign to this world,, it dare did say 'beware'.
Unsteady roads before me, dim trodden death behind.
And machines that lined some pathways, where bodies squirmed and died.

Road tainted that I followed. Such ravages unseen before.
One path that led to throne of scarlet, one of old such lore.
And sat on there was death itself, clad blacker than the night.
Escape was no such option, no exit from this plight.

And reach out did he hold me, chilled me to the soul.
Threw me back to my world, leaving me an empty bowl.
And such a statue I lay there, unnoticed by the dawn.
And by the light that warmed me; a sun that is reborn.

Reminder each day I serve him, as thanks for breath that fills my core.
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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Wed Jan 19, 2011 2:43 pm

Now this is very interesting. The imagery was godlike. Incredible. How in the world can you right like this, only you know. Stunning. The thoughts are so much boosted by your skill in depiction, and scene portrayal that... well, like I said, utterly stunning. Please keep writing and posting, these are just too good to be kept to yourself.

As for the ipod, I prefer them on the left to be honest, so this was fine for me. ^_^ And I seem to have gotten my interest back in poems, so I have you and FA to thank for that. Smile

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PostSubject: Re: My mind toxins, redefined.    Thu Jun 09, 2011 9:09 am

I haven't written in... *strokes chin* ages?

This is really rusty... What I call a framework poem. Inspiration received from something my friend raven said, and the song 'gravity' by Sara bareilles.


Fragile strength courses through you, seen by none others but yourself, You can see the weakness, the power you do not hold.
Back straight against the sky, a pillar against unseen weight. 
Blows are felt through tattered skin, time is held as bait. 
You hold facade of boredom, though inside you flood with pain. 
Soul writhes in twisted figure, back trembles against constant rain. 
Your back is where your strength lays, for it is forever straight. 
Blows are taken there, yet it stays the same.
Cuts lay beneath the surface, they lay smothered beneath the skin. 
No one can bend the vertebrae; no one can break your soul of tin. 
Whips lash against the strong flesh, as you're tied to the whipping post. 
They know where to hit, for they know that where you hold yourself up. 
Yet you stay unyielding to tormentors; you stay adjacent to the ground. 
For if you dare double over, your fragile strength is gone. 
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My mind toxins, redefined.

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