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 My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D

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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Tue Jul 13, 2010 10:26 am

You're back!!! cheers Wonderful composition Vamp! Loved reading it Smile I hope you write and post more often. This one had very good feeling to it, and you twisted the words nicely in some places to allow the rhythm to fall more properly. Made a great read... ^_^

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Last edited by Artrain on Sun Jul 25, 2010 3:26 am; edited 1 time in total
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Thorned Hope
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Tue Jul 13, 2010 2:48 pm

Interesting...this poem made me remember the ones a dude posted on IF...a..long time ago..well anyway well done. Liked this piece very much had a somewhat dark feeling..in my opinion.....
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VampireGiRL
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Sat Jul 24, 2010 12:43 pm

Thank you so much! I will try to update soon!
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VampireGiRL
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Thu Feb 17, 2011 8:38 pm

well... you have to see me long time ago Razz did you miss me? xD
Do you remember me??? xD
I had lost my password...and I couldn't remember the name of this site! -.- anyway..! here my new poem...don't forget that I don't know the english language!! so don't be rude :D

P.S : I will try to be here more often,I promise!
Memories

sounds and pictures from the past,
makes me wanna cry,
lies from the present,
makes me wanna die.

it's the same story again
and I am still waiting for you to return
I feel no fear,no pain
but the tears are falling now again

memories from the past,
reminds me things I had forgot,
things I had loved,
and now I have lost

I hold a johnny's bottle
I feel so lost.
I can't escape from that wall.
I hope that the pain will stop
till I drink the last drop
but I know it could be worst.

now you are here with me,
you sit next to me,
all seems like a dream,
but you lie so clean.

when I saw your face
something began to change,
I still rememember the day
when I met you in the train.

why you don't let me to save you from your pain?
because of you my heart will always in pain
why you don't let me help you to escape?
now my heart is
buried with yours in a cave
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Fri Feb 18, 2011 12:47 am

OMG! Vamp girl is back! cheers

hahah that's a great poem, girl. I like it. Great imagery as well. ;D

Btw, this is GG, if you still remember me. xD
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Old Amsterdam
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:57 am

I liked it, really. The imagery, as Janelle said, was good.

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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Mon Feb 21, 2011 4:23 am

Oh wow, look who's here! :O Awesome to hear from you again! ^_^ So on to the poem, very well written I'd say. Each line in every stanza and all the stanzas connect nicely with the one before, so that made it great to read. Wonderful description has resulted into wonderful feelings coming out of this poem.

Say, do you write this in your language first and then change it to English?

Anyway, great to read. Hope you come around and post more often. Keep writing. Smile

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VampireGiRL
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Tue Feb 22, 2011 5:46 pm

Hey!! Of course I remember you GG! haha :D
Artrain,Rain Stinks thank you so much for commenting Smile
I'm glad that you like it‎ and you still remember me! ;)

No,Artrain I either write in English from the beginning Smile or in Greek from the beginning!

so I wrote yesterday this one...tell me your opinions Smile

''My hell''

I want you to know,
I remember everything you said.
wherever I go,
the sky is red

my angel is now my devil,
my heaven is now my hell,
I have no life to spend,
in some time I will be dead.

please give me a lie,
tell me that we are fine.
if you still want me alive
pretend that you are mine
and I am yours for a while.


if you true loved me,
come and save me from my fears.
it's not too late,
come and stop my tears.

what I must do
to forget the memories I have with you.
what can I do,when I know
that the best part of me
was always you

Night and day has no difference in the rain,
when I am with you,
I live The same nightmare everyday.
my heart belongs to you
till the death take us away.


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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Wed Feb 23, 2011 12:47 am

Oh niiice... o.o I actually liked it. You always make awesome imagery, Vamp! Also, I like the theme of it. Well done.
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Old Amsterdam
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Wed Feb 23, 2011 10:47 am

I enjoyed it as well. Very good imagery, as Janelle said. And very powerful, full of emotion. Very nicely done.

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VampireGiRL
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Sat Mar 26, 2011 6:08 pm

well..I wrote two new poems..I hope you like it Razz Smile



t
here is no life without you



I wake up every day
and I feel okey.
please don't go away,
stay here
till I find another way.

All this time
I was insecure
but you came to my life
and you became the cure.


now you are gone.
I am soley alone.
your fake smile made me suffer from the pain
I have nothing more to gain.
I can't stand anymore.
it's time to find a new home.

I need you so much
I want to feel again your touch.
I feel lost
I am something like a ghost.

you were so right
and now I feel sad.
I drive my car,
I try to find another bar
so as to get drunk
and forget the pain I have.


Last edited by VampireGiRL on Sat Mar 26, 2011 7:30 pm; edited 2 times in total
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VampireGiRL
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Sat Mar 26, 2011 6:10 pm

This is the end

pale faces try to scares me in the dark.
I feel I am locked in a cage
as I walk alone in the park.
all in my eyes start looking strange,
I think it's time for a change

I don't want to lose my mind
neither my life.
I must find another way
before it's too late.

The air is so cold
but my breath is still warm.
maybe I was too bold,
I feel like I'm getting old

I am waiting for death
the end is near
I have lost my faith.
I feel it so clear
my life is ending here.

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Sun Mar 27, 2011 9:10 am

VampireGiRL wrote:
well..I wrote two new poems..I hope you like it Razz Smile



t
here is no life without you



I wake up every day
and I feel okey.
please don't go away,
stay here
till I find another way.

All this time
I was insecure
but you came to my life
and you became the cure.


now you are gone.
I am soley alone.
your fake smile made me suffer from the pain
I have nothing more to gain.
I can't stand anymore.
it's time to find a new home.

I need you so much
I want to feel again your touch.
I feel lost
I am something like a ghost.

you were so right
and now I feel sad.
I drive my car,
I try to find another bar
so as to get drunk
and forget the pain I have.
Good poem, Vamp. I like that you didn't seem to worry about how the words would rhyme in the end. Emotions are clear too. Well-written, girl.

VampireGiRL wrote:
This is the end

pale faces try to scares me in the dark.
I feel I am locked in a cage
as I walk alone in the park.
all in my eyes start looking strange,
I think it's time for a change

I don't want to lose my mind
neither my life.
I must find another way
before it's too late.

The air is so cold
but my breath is still warm.
maybe I was too bold,
I feel like I'm getting old

I am waiting for death
the end is near
I have lost my faith.
I feel it so clear
my life is ending here.

Hey hey! THis reminded me of a scene from Harry Potter three lol! I don't know why. xD But I liked it too especially the meaning. And don't yah worry, girl...you won't get crazy... We are already nuts anywayz. lol tongue JK
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Old Amsterdam
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Sun Mar 27, 2011 11:04 am

Those were really deep poems, Vamp. Lots of feelings in them, and they really painted a picture in my head.

My props go to you. Worship

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VampireGiRL
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Sun Mar 27, 2011 2:33 pm

Thank you soo soo much for commenting guys! I will update soon! Razz
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Old Amsterdam
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Mon Mar 28, 2011 9:39 am

I look forward to an update. I've got my eye on this topic, now.

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VampireGiRL
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Mon Mar 28, 2011 12:49 pm

As I promised a new POEM Smile


''Feelings''

I have so many feelings about you
My life has no meaning without you
your touch is what I am missing
please come and kill whatever kills me

here I am
soley alone again
trying my best not to forget
all the words that you said

I feel broke
all my thoughts are wrong
I guess,I knew that all along
this is another painful love


The perfect life
there is only in your mind
the perfect lie
You and I
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Old Amsterdam
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:38 pm

I really liked the rhyming in this one.

And the backfeeling in it is just amazing. And the picture it paints is really great as well. Again, very nicely done.

Worship

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Twin Dagger
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PostSubject: Re: My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D   Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:18 am

Great poem, its got a really nice flow to it.
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My poem! Commment pleeaaase!!!! =D

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