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 ~My Poems...

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DareDevil
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Tue Jun 08, 2010 10:14 am

well anybody that once a moment
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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Tue Jun 08, 2010 3:56 pm

Fallen Angel wrote:
Ok Artrain here is another poem update like you wished.
Hey thanks.

Fallen Angel wrote:

Lost Soul

My life and all I do are restricted
By the jail cell that is called home,
Blood from my arm, I have become addicted
And now I'm all alone.

I tried to kill the pain,
But I only seem to create more,
My life is all in vain,
This is my last day.

Feel as if the world gave up on me,
Will anyone miss me creeps in my mind,
I'm dieing on the inside, why can't they see
I have become numb without a soul.

A strangled smile fell from my face,
I'm falling into an oblivion,
My life is a disgrace
There is no reason for me to go on.

Laughed at religion long ago
Doubt I'll be an angel when I die,
But since I have no place to go,
I'll just linger in the doorway, like a lost soul.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

errr......well yes. Just thought I'd let you know its not mine. Its my friends trying to convince her to write more. So...yeah.
Aah, very well written. You know if you hadn't told me that your friend wrote it, it would have really seemed like your own work. Its very similar to the ones which you write. I guess thats why it appealed to you.

Fallen Angel wrote:

~~~~~~~~~~.
Thought you cared. Thought you'd always be there
From the first note
To the next and next
Thought we had something
But I guess to you it was nothing.
So now I’m gone
And won’t be back
Don’t call me I won’t answer
Don’t message me I won’t respond.
Stop lying to me
I know you don’t care
Stop saying you do cause I won’t believe it.
You used me and now I know
You’re just like him...
Seems things never change,
They would always repeat themselves in the same horrible way.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nice dose of feeling over here. Well written. The point you had to make was very simple but the force you gave to it was pretty formidable. Good job.

Fallen Angel wrote:

Your sick of feeling numb,
your not the only one,
I'll take you by the hand
and I'll show you the world.

Pain.....

Pain without love
Pain cant get enough
pain I like it rough
cause I'd rather feel pain
the nothing at all.

Pain....

Anger and agony are better
than misery trust me and take my hand
when the lights go out
you will understand.

Pain...

I'm always here for you
I know I know I know I know
that you'll thank me in the end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hah, good theme to this one. Read it at the right time I did. Seems like all everybody's talking about is pain. I liked how you used the word 'pain' between the stanzas. Nice effect. One of your best poems in my opinion. Well ended too.

Fallen Angel wrote:
So yeah..just a random poem, doesnt go to anybody. So here it is. This is a crappy one by the way..I'll let you guys do the fixin' Im too lazy. tongue

I wish all the tears were gone,
Wish all the pain disappeared.
Wish live wasn’t so hard.
Wish someone would understand
And be there to take my hand.
I wish you never left me,
for you were the only one who could understand,
Who felt the same way,
But now I don’t know if your ever coming back to talk to me again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Heh...me no like it that much... oh well... >.>
This one was also good. It was concluded rather bluntly, but you wrote what you felt which is important.

Anyways, thanks for giving meh four new updates to read. Totally enjoyed them. Keep up...

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Thorned Hope
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Wed Jun 09, 2010 8:57 pm

Lol, ya...I know what you mean by the last one. Razz The tears were streaming down and they were yelling to get off..and I knew the emotion would go away so...I hurried and rushed to write it. Well thanks for your feedback Artrain!

@DD: O.o
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Thorned Hope
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Fri Jun 25, 2010 2:53 pm

^That sounded so emotional. -_- Anyway..poem update I guess....I forgot I wrote this...I did it on the last day of school...or more like last week of school..anyway here it is.

Everyone holds some kind of pain,
of heartache, heart break or something of the same
we all are hiding it as best as we can
but the scars on our arms show them the pain.

I for one am sick of it
the pain and suffering of every single day
I wish it would vanish and just go away
I wish I could smile and laugh as I did
but the past is the past it never comes back.
-------------------------------------------------------
Meh...I did that when kids were around..I for one think its bad. Anyway...C&C is appreciated.

EDIT: What I meant to say was with the kids is that I lost the emotion with all the commotion. >.<
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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Sat Jun 26, 2010 1:40 am

Fallen Angel wrote:
Anyway..poem update I guess....I forgot I wrote this...I did it on the last day of school...or more like last week of school..anyway here it is.
You forgot to put it up? Ohnoes!

Anyway, bout the poem, it was nicely done. Well written. Got the rhyming going in some places. The first stanza was good. The ending line came a bit unexpected. Felt as though you wanted to get the poem over with. But it was good to read.

Fallen Angel wrote:

EDIT: What I meant to say was with the kids is that I lost the emotion with all the commotion. >.<
*grins* Humour BE?


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Old Amsterdam
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Mon Jun 28, 2010 7:35 pm

Quote :
EDIT: What I meant to say was with the kids is that I lost the emotion with all the commotion. >.<
*chuckles* I find that rather funny, to be honest. That and the fact that you rhymed...

Anyways, the poem...yes...

Well, I enjoyed it. It seemed to have a decent image/meaning behind it from what I could tell, and I enjoyed reading it.

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Twin Dagger
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Wed Jun 30, 2010 11:22 pm

I kinda thinks its a good poem. I dont like a couple of htings it says but it does show some emotion which is the good thing.
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Thu Jul 01, 2010 2:28 am

Rain Stinks wrote:
Quote :
EDIT: What I meant to say was with the kids is that I lost the emotion with all the commotion. >.<
*chuckles* I find that rather funny, to be honest. That and the fact that you rhymed...

Anyways, the poem...yes...

Well, I enjoyed it. It seemed to have a decent image/meaning behind it from what I could tell, and I enjoyed reading it.
Laughing He already said it all for me, CC... Nice poem!! Keep 'em coming! :D
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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Thu Jul 01, 2010 6:26 am

[quote="Fallen Angel"]^That sounded so emotional. -_- Anyway..poem update I guess....I forgot I wrote this...I did it on the last day of school...or more like last week of school..anyway here it is.

Everyone holds some kind of pain,
of heartache, heart break or something of the same
we all are hiding it as best as we can
but the scars on our arms show them the pain.
(everyone? O.o.....) Me sees here someone that is holding Pain back, blocking it from the world. Heart Break, Heart Ache, Heart...... Well there are many words we could put on the end, but they all mean the same thing, Pain, and yet we still bear it, though as hard it may seem, it is something of the past that Haunts us, we let it haunt us, we let it destroy us emotionally as others watch as we just fade from what we were.


I for one am sick of it
the pain and suffering of every single day
I wish it would vanish and just go away
I wish I could smile and laugh as I did
but the past is the past it never comes back.

Sick...... Pain, (here is that word again) Suffering. I ask you something. Why do you not let go of the past? If you don't you will meld that sad piece of life into what you are becoming, I say Shake those chains!
I say Make it vanish, I say SMILE girl, laugh as you used to. Bring that happy life back.


Meh I realized I rambled on but yea, Great update CC!

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Thorned Hope
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Fri Jul 02, 2010 8:15 pm

Death Knight wrote:
I kinda thinks its a good poem. I dont like a couple of htings it says but it does show some emotion which is the good thing.
Oh...like what/ Please do tell. -__-

[quote="Fallen Rage"]
Fallen Angel wrote:
^That sounded so emotional. -_- Anyway..poem update I guess....I forgot I wrote this...I did it on the last day of school...or more like last week of school..anyway here it is.

Everyone holds some kind of pain,
of heartache, heart break or something of the same
we all are hiding it as best as we can
but the scars on our arms show them the pain.
(everyone? O.o.....) Me sees here someone that is holding Pain back, blocking it from the world. Heart Break, Heart Ache, Heart...... Well there are many words we could put on the end, but they all mean the same thing, Pain, and yet we still bear it, though as hard it may seem, it is something of the past that Haunts us, we let it haunt us, we let it destroy us emotionally as others watch as we just fade from what we were.


I for one am sick of it
the pain and suffering of every single day
I wish it would vanish and just go away
I wish I could smile and laugh as I did
but the past is the past it never comes back.

Sick...... Pain, (here is that word again) Suffering. I ask you something. Why do you not let go of the past? If you don't you will meld that sad piece of life into what you are becoming, I say Shake those chains!
I say Make it vanish, I say SMILE girl, laugh as you used to. Bring that happy life back.


Meh I realized I rambled on but yea, Great update CC!
Lol. That was funny. Its hard to let the past go but its going little by little..and I am starting to come back and I do smile. Thanks for the C&C guys.
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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Fri Jul 02, 2010 8:34 pm

Maybe you should make your next Poem about coming back to the fun side of life?

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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Fri Jul 02, 2010 8:42 pm

Uhhh...I dont have emotion in that way...I only write a poem when I am depressed. Thats all.
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Sat Jul 03, 2010 9:16 pm

Meh..update..but this is more like depressy talk. -.-

It depends whats on the others persons mind.
to one it could be great.
to others I dont think they would care.
you lied and now I see.
you said I'd be your friend as long as I liked
but then left and I havent heard from you since.
we talked forever.
I thought we were great friends.
but then I turn and see I was nothing to you.
Ive been lied to again.
but the lie that hurt the most was from you.
I wish I never met you
then I wouldnt be in this much pain.
I want to forget you.
I wish I could.
but these scars remind me of the pain.
that was and still is.
I know for some reasons I am happy to talk to you.
for then none of this would have existed.
but I wish you werent here.
or i could forget about u.
but i guess the truth is.
that i wont ever forget u.
not now not ever..
-------------------------------

meh excuse the chat speak. >.<
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Sat Jul 03, 2010 9:57 pm

CC that is a well written poem. Is that person who I think it is thoguh? Is it "him"
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Sat Jul 03, 2010 10:54 pm

Grrrrr. Yes it is him. Though I dont care...I was in the moment..and I was listening to the song...which made the feeling new..=/ oh well...me dont care about him. >.<
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Sun Jul 04, 2010 5:51 am

Ah, a free verse. Very nice BE. You continue to write better and better. Nice emotion, this one had to it. The conclusion was good as well. Enjoyed reading as always...

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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Sun Jul 04, 2010 6:24 am

*him is obviously a very bad persona.....
Good update tho, Nice emotions, I felt as If I was the one that was saying those words.........

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Last edited by Fallen Rage on Sun Jul 04, 2010 9:36 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Sun Jul 04, 2010 7:53 am

Yeppers...tho I have no idea why I wrote this...oh wait nvm now I remember :x God I hate that song. Okay well thanks for your feedback.
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Sun Jul 04, 2010 9:32 pm

I am more than happy to give feedback Smile , but my feed back can be cryptic sometimes Rolling Eyes maybe it is the way I interpret these works of art.... Rolling Eyes

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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Mon Jul 05, 2010 8:49 pm

One word...Emo Razz Though that's how your poems are and that's how we like it.

But these scars remind me of my pain Great quote right there! :D




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Thorned Hope
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Mon Jul 05, 2010 8:57 pm

-.- Yeah..like i said..you always write that. They are not emo, the are dark and emotional. Razz Ahh well thanks Matt.
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Wed Jul 07, 2010 8:06 am

I'm sorry I didn't comment for so long :[
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Wed Jul 07, 2010 2:01 pm

Lol. Ahh thats ok..Im just going to bother from now on, if you feel that bad. Razz

Okay..back on topic...
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Thu Jul 08, 2010 9:36 pm

Umm...yesh..poem update...*cough*.... I dunno what to call it.


Cherish every moment we have together
because when we turn our backs it will be gone forever
our beautiful friendship we have for one another
and our love for each other.

Some say 'No nothing will ever change'
but everything changes
thats just the way life is.

We might have our memories forever with us
something no one can ever take away
but sooner or later we will have to go our separet ways
and live our life just like the rest.

But I know even though we are not together
I hope our frienship will stay forever and ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So yeah..C&C will be greatly appreciated.


Last edited by Fallen Angel on Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:04 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: ~My Poems...   Thu Jul 08, 2010 10:24 pm

This poem is good CC. It does make me worry a little that you might think that no friendship can last forever. But if that is what you think then let me tell you that soem do last forever. Some even are so strong that they can last longer.
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