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 I thought I'd share it here as well.

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:27 am

Alrighty, just thought I'd post one of my poems here. Hope you guys and gals will like it. And I look forward to your c&c (comments and critiques).

LOVE

Love is an enigma,
Once it erupts,
it's like a magma.
Sweeping through the deep,
awakens the monster that sleeps.


Love can be lightning,
it strikes as though bursting.
Bursting with butterfly,
turns out to be a lullaby.

Love is a light,
enlightens the dark that eas once not in sight.
All the caress it brings,
eternity is nothing.

Love is an obliterator,
though blossoms the beauty,
pain it brings is a mighty.


Last edited by Cold Stinks on Sun Jun 27, 2010 1:58 pm; edited 6 times in total
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Old Amsterdam
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:23 am

I liked it. Very well written, with a great background story to tell. Definitely my style Lmao. The form was great, and the rhyming consistent. Again, very well written, very good poem.
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:32 am

YAY!!! Thanks Rain. Hehe...


Oh well, I may post the others but perhaps I'll do it tomorrow. hehehe...
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Old Amsterdam
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:56 am

Whenever you have time. We're waiting.
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Mar 11, 2010 12:52 am

hehe..Again, another update. I already posted this on IF but oh well..

Anyway, here it is:

-Nightmare-

Am I dreaming?
Is this just a nightmare?
Is this real?
That I see someone who does not care?

If not
tell me,
why do you stare?

Are you here to punish me?
Are you here to murder me?
If not
tell me,
why are you pointing that gun to me?

Did I do something wrong?
Did I upset you?
If not
tell me,
why do you want to kill me?

I know I've been bad to you.
I know I've crossed the line.
But I am begging you,
forgive me as I forgive you.

Please don't do this.
I know you have a good heart.
I know you are against this.
So please! let's just end this.

-and so the play of my nightmare ends-


hehe..C&C are appreciated.
Good or bad are welcome.

See yah.
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Old Amsterdam
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Mar 11, 2010 11:49 am

Exclamation

That was unexpected GG. I thought it sounded great and everything. IT was awesome. I thought it flowed well, and was a good length. As I said, very good. It made me think of a lot of stuff, I really :love: 'd it. Good job.

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Mar 11, 2010 12:39 pm

Why thank you Rain. I thought you won't like it since you like metaphors in a poems. Well, Im glad you LOVED it. Andd really? I wonder, what did you think while reading this? lol!
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Old Amsterdam
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Mar 11, 2010 12:51 pm

A lot of really complicated stuff....

And I don't care much if there are metaphors, but I do think they generally add to the overall effect of the poem. However, I think poems without metaphors tend to be better, because it takes a real poet to create a poem solely on words and their meanings. A poet who can paint a picture without referring to something else.

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Mar 11, 2010 1:04 pm

Aye.. So true. And glad you like it. And because of that, I'll post another one after a couple of minutes. hehehe

EDIT: As I promised.



Well, here it goes:

--JOURNAL--

I tried to choose what path should I take.
I tried my best, but all seemed fake.
The road I am on,
It is because I love to be your companion.

Others' are disappointed,
Some are just content.
But does that really matter?
If what I know is far-way better?

Many say I am a bibliophile.
Some says I am a parchment-pal.
But do they know the effect it has for me?
My only comfort when no one is there but the enemy?

You have no life for them.
You are just a junk.
But how can they prove it?
Did they try to test your rank?

Oftentimes you are not in their sight.
Of course I'll hide you for you are my knight.
And when they try to call out for you,
Trust me, I am the only one who can find you.


If there's any confusion about what the poem is about, just ask me. hehehe.. :D
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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Mar 11, 2010 8:11 pm

Well done GG!
You have made it sound like the Journal is talking, to the person, Well done!

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Fri Mar 12, 2010 12:54 pm

Umm, well, not exactly. it was actually a person talking to his journal. Hehehe.. Glad you liked it though.
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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Sat Mar 13, 2010 7:16 am

Oh ok then maybe it the other way around once you look at it from that point of view

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Sat Mar 13, 2010 8:19 am

hehe.. yeah, it depends on how the person interpret the meaning anyway. And I can't blame you for that. At least you like it. Thank'ee Zach. lol!
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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Sat Mar 13, 2010 3:45 pm

No problem.
BTW when is that review coming?

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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Sat Mar 13, 2010 11:41 pm

What exactly do you mean by that review thing Zach? Hammer Death
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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Sun Mar 14, 2010 3:32 am

The review for my work on here, in FF.

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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Sun Mar 14, 2010 5:33 am

Oh yeah..forgot to tell you but can you edit the whole chapter? The 'mah booty' words were...well, distracting. And after you're done, just remind me and I will make my c&c there. I've read it already btw. hehehe


Anyway, UPDATE!!

UNTITLED

Sitting on my bed,
Pillows on my head.
Blankets around me,
but your comfort is all I need.

Staring at my ceiling,
hoping to ease,
the pain I am feeling.

The moments we enjoyed,
the thoughts we shared,
evidence of love that cannot be compared.

When you're at my side,
with our hands intertwined,
I don't want to retreat,
all along,
I surrender completely in your heat.

In love of ours we are lost,
as if we're wandering along the coast.
But once found,
who would stay on ground?

The hurt you brought me,
it took away my whole sanity.

I am breaking away,
you're tearing me apart.
How can I give way,
if what I know is to follow your path.


C&C are always welcome.
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Sun Mar 14, 2010 7:50 am

I think I have got all of them.

I think the Poem update is very good, loved the first bit tho it sounded as if it was time to relax.

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Pearl Song
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Mon Mar 15, 2010 3:05 pm

you make very good poems GG, I am not much into poetry but I liek yours.
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Mon Mar 15, 2010 6:58 pm

Why thank you Pearl.. Glad you liked it. Smile
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Old Amsterdam
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Tue Mar 16, 2010 10:48 am

I liked them, but I really got annoyed with the Untitled part. I just can't stand not seeing a title...

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Tue Mar 16, 2010 10:52 am

Well, why don't you suggest a title for it then? and I'm glad you liked them. hehe
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Tue Mar 16, 2010 6:04 pm

RAWR! gg changed her name! One of you english speakers has to name that poem I guess, because no mere words are suitable for titles I guess, though I will try to come up with one.
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Tue Mar 23, 2010 8:13 am

Keep 'em coming. They're good fun to read and well written. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Wed Apr 07, 2010 4:41 pm

I liked this poem.You have the potential to succeed at a writer's showcase with a little more practice.
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I thought I'd share it here as well.

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