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 I thought I'd share it here as well.

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Mon May 24, 2010 11:38 pm

Aww...thanks Den! I appreciate that. LOL, your comment made me smile! Smile
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Jun 24, 2010 10:02 am

ARK


She cowers in the dark,
feeling lonely and have headed out.
She calls herself an ark.
Ark she have been feeding,
feeding with her own dumbness.

The foundation she have built around it,
the grandeur look behind it all,
a hidden messed up hole no one should venture,
or you'll find yourself in a place,
a place you would hate for sure.

As far as how the sea goes,
with its calmness,
a storm so sick is what's under it.

With it's roaring thunder,
with it's frightening lightning,
there's the eye with one wish:
a feel of calmness,
the emotion that she gives.

The ark in the night,
only seeks to see the bright sunlight.
Possible it may seem,
an ark like her is a big pain,
even in a child's dream.



Ahh..... CnC are always appreciated. =] And sorry if it seems, strange? Odd? meh... YOU decide... =]
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Feral
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Jun 24, 2010 10:16 am

:D This is actually..... wow. To me it reminds me of a girl with a complex mind, lost in her own thoughts. You used images of places and weather to create emotion... :O And then this ark, I have a picture of it impaled on rocks, a ghastly haunted place with echoes. D: Whoa gg.... this is.... awesome.. :D My favourite!
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Jun 24, 2010 10:25 am

Meh.... thank you? tongue Glad you liked it though. And actually, I think you are right about the girl.. She really has a complex mind... And well, haunted ark?? Umm...tbh, that's actually what I was aiming at... =]
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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Jun 24, 2010 10:47 am

Okay here we go..... But first I need to do this *yawns*
Right first paragraph.
Here I get the picture of a girl feeding a outward shield, one that hides what she is really feeling behind this shield. (ark)

Second paragraph.
Here I get a picture of someone yet again hiding behind shields, ones that are built to make it look as if life is going perfectly when I really isn't, when you actually take the time to see through the shields put up around this girl, you see a person that is, slamming herself up against a wall, if you get what I mean.

Third paragraph.
You see a picture of a perfect life yet again, however it is not.
This paragraph is not very long, this was all I got out of it, yet it adds to the picture solidifying it.

Fourth paragraph.
Here I see someone that wants to show herself, to reach down and help Someone outta the raging sees, yet she is afraid to because to do this would mean removing the shield which she has hidden behind all these long years. Don't ask me how I see this I just do. I am tired Kay?

Fifth and final paragraph.
I se here someone who has cast aside all shields and laid bare her heart to the world. I see someone who wishes they had not cast the shield aside and wants the safety of I back but can't get it back. And then I see that what I saw was a dream.


There is what I got out of your latest update GG.
I just posted what I felt was happening, I may have drifted off topic here, if so I am very sorry.

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Jun 24, 2010 11:11 am

O.O ...that's....... I...Jeez Zach... I feel.... >.> Actually, I dunno what I can say after that... But thanks for the feedback... *ponders* ....
Really, I dunno why you said that.... But I'm happy about it... =]
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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Jun 24, 2010 1:13 pm

Most unexpected and very unusual this piece GG. Total allegory. Very good use of metaphors. It was well covered I think. You did not let much of your own thoughts escape it. I'd like a bit of explanation from you on this one if you don't mind...

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Jun 24, 2010 1:20 pm

Umm, Artrain, actually... I wrote that because...because of what I felt.... and... *sighs* DO you really want an explanation? >.>
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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Jun 24, 2010 1:48 pm

Okay, my apologies for not reading it carefully. The reference to 'feeling lonely', 'hidden messed up hole no one should venture', 'you'll find yourself in a place, a place you would hate for sure', 'seeks to see the bright sunlight' should have made it clear to me in the first time. Um, can I suggest replacing 'dumbness' with 'numbness'?

Though I would like you to explain the reference to 'the eye' in fourth stanza; and 'an ark like her is a big pain' in the last stanza...

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Dennaix
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Jun 24, 2010 5:21 pm

It's not often I say this, but I can't make head nor tail of it. That's not necessarily a bad thing... it just confused me. Although I am knackered so I'll have less of a capacity to these things. At the moment I'm pretty easy to confuse. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Jun 24, 2010 5:27 pm

I have to say, I liked it...even if I'm not 100% sure of certain aspects of it. I mean, it seems rather deep and personally intertwined, but I'm not sure where it comes from.

I thought it was set up fine, just fine. But like Ar said, I'd suggest changing "Dumbness" to "Numbness".

Anyways, I really did like it. An enjoying read, engaging to say the least.

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Thu Jun 24, 2010 5:42 pm

Laughing I think I now have an explanation to that.... One is that, I wrote that poem based on my own confused feelings... My mind was just running like mad and.... *sighs* I think ZAch understands the poem best, tbh.... >.< He kinda explained it for me...

But thanks for the feedback Artrain, Den and of course, Shane *grins*.
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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Fri Jun 25, 2010 6:28 am

Cold Stinks wrote:
O.O ...that's....... I...Jeez Zach... I feel.... >.> Actually, I dunno what I can say after that... But thanks for the feedback... *ponders* ....
Really, I dunno why you said that.... But I'm happy about it... =]

Hmmm I just posted what I felt it was conveying, using the feelings the words gave me..... Do you know what I mean?

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Fri Jun 25, 2010 7:24 am

Actually, you're the only one who seems to understand the reasons behind that poem, Zach. WHat you said are all true, in a sense. To be honest, it gave me shivers-a bit- when I read that.. xD
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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Sat Jun 26, 2010 8:31 am

For me it was like, I Saw the reasons behind it presenting themselves a little at first, and then as I read on it became clearer and clearer, maybe it's because, ahhh I dunno actually.................. It's like I could look through the poem to what was actually being presented?

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Sat Jun 26, 2010 8:49 am

Umm..yeah..and let's just say that you know the girl well enough to know her reasons behind it. Anyway........update might....take long...dunno fo' sure.. xD
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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Sat Jun 26, 2010 8:58 am

Well yes and no GG.

I really do know the girl well enough, but the reasons are not the same. (even though I have been through this with you)

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Sat Jun 26, 2010 9:09 am

Of course Zachary... What I only meant was that, you were able to decipher the hidden meanings behind the poem that she had composed. ;)
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Sun Jun 27, 2010 1:53 pm

*sighs* So, I am bored and well, all I can think of is... u can probably guess...Anyway, let me start a poem I've been wanting to compose for like forever but just dunno where to start...



For you


I love you,
is what my heart says.
I love you,
is what my mind says.

Everytime I see your name,
my heart jumps.
Everytime I read your words,
I feel the tendril,
to reach and be able to hear,
the tender of your voice.

Everytime you cry,
everytime you feel like everything is about to die,
the agony builds,
connects me to yours,
and let me feel a bond.
A bond that automatically rebuilds.

Your weakness may seem embarrassing to some,
your past may be what is behind,
but let me try,
it pains me too see you cry.

I wanna be there for you,
for you when you need me.
For you when they beat you,
hit and kick you.


I wish all of whats happened,
your past and what have caused you,
to cower in fear and feel threatened.
How I wish to change it all.

The tears you have shed,
the suffering you have endured,
the tolerance you have given them,
f*** s*** are they,
to call you by your name.

With everything and anything,
I will always be here,
because you are my knight,
and I am your most dear.



Smile Hope you like it.


P.S. Dedicated to someone very special. ^_^




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Twin Dagger
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Sun Jun 27, 2010 6:18 pm

I wonder who it is too? Suspect

That is good GG. I shows a lot of emotion. I think that the lines ran together well and that it told a kinda story. I dont know about it beign your best, but it is definitly close to.
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Mon Jun 28, 2010 1:04 am

Oh why thank you Keith. I wrote that on the spot without any drafts or whatever. I'm glad you think it is good though. Thank'ee. =]

Btw, what kind of question is that?? You know who! XD
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Mon Jun 28, 2010 1:06 am

It was a rhetorical question.

You really just put it togehter? That is impressive.
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:14 am

That was most beautiful Giorgia. No other words for it. It was simple and lovely to read. Very well written. Very well conveyed. Keep up...

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Feral
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:14 am

*Coughs* I said nothing before. *Coughs*

Hmm, the poem gives the fell that you want to be there for that person, to help them, and maybe even let them know that you are with them, always.



EDIT: What did you say before? Suspect JOKE! Razz


Last edited by Cold Stinks on Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:27 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : XD XD XD XD XD)
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: I thought I'd share it here as well.   Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:19 am

-__- Yes, you are right there girl, of course I would!! ... XD Ah well.... Laughing And thanks! :D

And thank you too Mr. Artrain.... big A! tongue
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I thought I'd share it here as well.

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