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 Nap's works

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Naptime
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Wed Sep 22, 2010 1:01 am

Sitting on a ledge of broken stone
I close my eyes to see the unseen
To tell you of the things I was shown
The first was a light of the purest green
This light, was the old world; a place unknown

The next was a ring of white
A color of a dazzling, brilliant hue
A message in this light so bright
To show the innocence we all once knew

Now I was shown a old wood door
With a slam and a click it had locked
On the door, in words of eld, was written lore
To see the loss of such knowledge I was shocked

The last thing I saw were two old cracked beams
The thing shuddered and shook ready to break
Written on these were truth and dreams
And without these a empty world does make

So I opened my eyes to see the world
Never to forget the things I saw
To see the banner of chaos unfurled
A world; our wourld in Evil's maw.
----------

Eh...I tried a new style out :x


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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Wed Sep 22, 2010 1:15 am

O.o That was good as well though, to be honest, I like the first version. But this one seemed to have a deeper meaning. And I think I should say, I love how the ending of this poem... 'A world; our world in Evil's maw.' <- Thats true though..
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Naptime
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Wed Sep 22, 2010 11:00 am

mhmm...this one was based on a dream i had..well..taking a nap xP
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Naptime
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Mon Sep 27, 2010 8:53 pm

You've always been with me, always here
but now your not, for the worst I fear

when I met you, I didn't want you, to be fair
but something stood out, your own personal flare

So we went home, to your place
and we had many challenges to face

We beat em all; every single one
and while it so happened that we had fun

But now your gone and I'm alone
I would stayed with you if I had known

So i sit, and recall every little memory
I weep, I waste and feel nothing but misery

Wishing you were here, but it was all but naught
That your actually gone, who woulda thought

As I sit here, ready to flip
all I can say is R.I.P.
-----------------

Ill miss ya buddy, you'll always be with me
Cadaver/Daver (2008-2010)....in memorium
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Wed Sep 29, 2010 12:35 am

Oh meh.. >.< that was sad. The emotion you put was certainly there. I felt it. :/ And I can literally say that you really loved your pet.... Err... I dunno what else there is to say, really
but, condolence. :/

A seriously great poem, btw. :]

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Naptime
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Thu Sep 30, 2010 12:43 am

Long story short, on that one is that I'm not entirely sure if he's dead ><. But he's been missing for about 2 weeks, and he almost never leaves the yard at all when he goes out, so im fearing for the worst.


Last edited by Naptime on Mon Oct 04, 2010 9:03 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Naptime
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Sun Oct 03, 2010 2:37 am

I saw her face in the light
and to me, our future looks bright

looking into her beautiful eyes
I know i cannot tell a single lie

I am irreversibly and irrevocably smitten
her name, in my mind, a thousand times written

the world was broken all around us
not a sound; all was quiet; shush

In a world of all our own
A meaningful bond was grown

now it is her presence i miss
still feeling her tender kiss

everything is not the same
my heart is a blazing flame

burning only for her
everything else now a blur

truly the apple of my eye
a touch and i see why

to feel like this i know
only good can follow

alright, i know this is sappy
but honestly and truly im happy

so here i shall call it a day
im just glad it turned out this way

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Mon Oct 04, 2010 3:21 am

:O I don't know but I think that one tells the story of you and your girlfriend? LOL Nicely done though.


Btw, punctuations and such, Nap. xD
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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Thu Oct 07, 2010 11:16 am

*sighs* Oh my, four awesome poems and not a single comment from meh :S Soory Napster, I be getting to them now.

Naptime wrote:
Let me tell you the tale of a boy with hair of brown
one who seemed to always smile; to ne'er frown

This boy had eyes of forested green
alight with a most curious gleam

he was known to wander around
almost never making not a sound (do you mean he makes a lot of sound?)

just one day he wandered hither
and the next he went thither

and one day this boy, he found a door
and once he passed through he was seen no more

gone to a place that was not his own
in that world he found a home

as the days went by he felt struck with insanity
to want to leave to see his friends and family

so he wandered once again hither
and eventually he made his way to thither

seeking and looking the old oak door
that he would pass through and be seen ne'er more

at this door he found a note
on it his name someone had wrote

as he read it he made a peculiar frown
for they wrote "Let me tell you the tale of a boy with hair of brown"
*laughs* Nicely done Smile You keep on your style of writing coupled stanzas, and you do it very fine, I must say. Made a light read, but still had a great amount of feeling and meaning to it, which is a rare talent. Wonderful m' dear boy ^_^

One question in red by the way. Second stanza second line.
Naptime wrote:
Sitting on a ledge of broken stone
I close my eyes to see the unseen
To tell you of the things I was shown
The first was a light of the purest green
This light, was the old world; a place unknown

The next was a ring of white
A color of a dazzling, brilliant hue
A message in this light so bright
To show the innocence we all once knew

Now I was shown a old wood door
With a slam and a click it had locked
On the door, in words of eld, was written lore
To see the loss of such knowledge I was shocked

The last thing I saw were two old cracked beams
The thing shuddered and shook ready to break
Written on these were truth and dreams
And without these a empty world does make

So I opened my eyes to see the world
Never to forget the things I saw
To see the banner of chaos unfurled
A world; our wourld in Evil's maw.
----------

Eh...I tried a new style out :x
*grins* Yup, you did. Not bad at all. Only the third stanza seemed to be a bit forced in the rhyming, rest were very good. And I would suggest to try and make all stanzas of four lines so that the rhythm flows easily. But thats not too important as long as you say all that you mean to say. Again, wonderful theme to it. It seemed a bit similar to the earlier poem of first look, but after looking closely, it was much based on something much different. I'm hoping you try more new styles, cause I'm sure you'll be just as good with them after a couple or so works. Smile

Naptime wrote:
You've always been with me, always here
but now your not, for the worst I fear

when I met you, I didn't want you, to be fair
but something stood out, your own personal flare

So we went home, to your place
and we had many challenges to face

We beat em all; every single one
and while it so happened that we had fun

But now your gone and I'm alone
I would stayed with you if I had known

So i sit, and recall every little memory
I weep, I waste and feel nothing but misery

Wishing you were here, but it was all but naught
That your actually gone, who woulda thought

As I sit here, ready to flip
all I can say is R.I.P.
-----------------

Ill miss ya buddy, you'll always be with me
Cadaver/Daver (2008-2010)....in memorium
*sighs* This is so good. Lot of emotion, as there should be in such poems. Nothing left for me to suggest. You rule the couplets. Awesome work. Worship

Naptime wrote:
I saw her face in the light (consider revision: "I see her face in the light")
and to me, our future looks bright

looking into her beautiful eyes
I know i cannot tell a single lie

I am irreversibly and irrevocably smitten
her name, in my mind, a thousand times written

the world was broken all around us
not a sound; all was quiet; shush

In a world of all our own
A meaningful bond was grown

now it is her presence i miss
still feeling her tender kiss

everything is not the same
my heart is a blazing flame

burning only for her
everything else now a blur

truly the apple of my eye
a touch and i see why

to feel like this i know
only good can follow

alright, i know this is sappy
but honestly and truly im happy

so here i shall call it a day
im just glad it turned out this way
Aah, a lovely little love poem at the end, eh? Smile Nicely written too. Enjoyed reading all your poems Napsy, please post more when you get time... ^_^

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Naptime
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:10 pm

Lets look around, at this calamity
a place filled with madness and insanity

power and corruption everywhere you look
some form of evil in every cranny or nook

sadness and sorrow is only whats left
such things as joy and wonder, bereft

now we are left lost and alone
deprived of all the things we could've known

so we sit here, in agony; in pain
all because we were simply to vain

a path of greed and lies, we chose to elect
now people are leaving, deciding to neglect

that people are fighting and turning on one another
for a money any man would kill his brother

we should trully burn with a deadly shame
that our world is being consume by a growing flame.
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Wed Oct 27, 2010 12:02 am

O__O Such true words you have used to Describe what our world is now. I like it, tbh. THe rhythm is really good, they flow together and it's easy to grasp the meaning. Keep it up, Nap. :]
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Naptime
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Tue Nov 02, 2010 10:52 pm

Drifting and lost in an infinite mist
each hand, balled up, in a fist

Depression, anger and confusion lead
all was broken or lost due to innocent greed

What was lost was passion and desire
burnt and scattered in a hate-filled fire

So i sat amongst the ashes, wishing i were dead
when a eerie old man came up and said

What you seek is not gone, only misplaced
by those wily wenches we call the fates

What you think is law is anything but
so stand up, turn around and get out of this rut


And with those words he vanished, into thin air
confused and bewildered, fresh out of despair

I wandered towards where i hated most
that place it seemed, to have a daemonic host

It was time, in fact, to face my fears
so think i must, a grinding of gears.

A battle lost, a battle won
the victor foretold by the rising sun
--------------------------------------
Now many years have passed and i grow weak and old
but ill never forget any of this life, and the stories its told.

I see it is time to go and I know I must
as it seems im being overwhelmed by a curious rust

I leave my papers signed and love ones kissed
for this time it is i who must vanish into the mist.


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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Wed Nov 03, 2010 8:41 am

Oh wow. That was seriously, absolutely, definitely deep Nap! I loved loved the imagery. The concept, all in all. Eh, for me, this is one of your best. I really liked it, rythmn, rhyme, and all, it was perfect for me. Well-done. :-)
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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Wed Nov 03, 2010 4:26 pm

Woot Woot! AWESOME STUFF!

Well here is our Napster Pulling in his Mind and setting it to work, WELL DON!

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Naptime
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:30 am

I lay in a field of grass
in and under this curious starlight

knowing this peace cannot last
everything will end tonight

i regret leaving the cold for warm
as everything decides to shatter and break

if only i hadnt let these feelings form
as we see what was real and what was fake

my thoughts are broken and beginning to fade
one wandering in an eternal rain

I had sensed a foreboding pain
because this is the end, the result our choices made

knowing the truth now i don't really regret
the way things fell, or how they were set

ill tell you this, a revelation for today
i wouldn't change a thing, or have it any other way.
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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Mon Nov 22, 2010 7:24 am

Awesome Stuff again!

Plus I can read that Poem, and I see me, but also someone, something, that is not entirely Reality, interesting....


Eagerly Waiting for the next instalment of Napsters Works!

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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Thu Dec 02, 2010 6:20 am

As we met, you gave a nod
one that said "you're quite odd"

running into each other all the time
a turn of fate, most sublime

first it was friendly and in fun
i cant get enough, better run

first i tripped then i stumbled and fell
right to you and under your spell

not that i mind, i want it this way
for you there is no price i would not pay

now time has passed and i miss you so
you haven't left us yet, but your about to go

so here ill sit, and maybe forever wait
for when you come back, we have a date

one i promised, as i had held you close
right here i stand, with a single rose

honestly and truly this is a mess
but it was worth it...you said yes.

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PostSubject: Re: Nap's works   Tue Dec 21, 2010 12:46 am

the sands of time drop one after one
and we move, nothing can be undone

I had thought my past would stay
but forward it came, into the fray

enter and exit, stage right.
an empty world filled with fright

my past opens up before me, most alluring
the scars ive carried from then had been assuring

worthless treasures brought to focus
dismissed as nothing but worthless hocus pocus.
-----------------------------------------
A walk through the fields
witness the power memory wields

one little memory could spark and it can ignite
a anger that can burn for many a day and night

or it could bring that small tear to your eye
and make you wish you could die.

where you go and what you have wrought
stand for it, so nothing will have been for naught

memories are distant and as they seem
while a happy reality is just a dream

we build our towers and watch them fall
to purge our pasts and our enemies crawl
---------------------
empty and hollow
filled with heavy sorrow

we wander and wonder
what was the blunder

and whether we want it or know
sometimes...we all have to go
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