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 keiths poems

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Twin Dagger
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PostSubject: keiths poems   Sun Jun 27, 2010 7:39 pm

People say


people tell you
that time can heal
that wounds will heal

people tell you that all
is not gone
or forgotten

people tell you
what they think
about you
and your ways

people tell you truth
people tell you lies

people can wrong
people can be right

about time
it does not heal
every wound

some wounds
are too deep
others are too shallow
people in this sense are wrong

thinks do go
and things are forgotten
but everythign never gets lost
not everythign will ever be forgotten
people in this sense are correct

if someone thinks you a liar
if soemone thinks you a devil
what does it matter
what people think of you
what does it matter
as long as you know the truth
abotu yourself

truth, lies
two great opposites
one bad and one good
which is right which is wrong
are there jsutifications to either one?
one can not live
without the other
one can not be
if there is no opposite

people are wrong
people are right
it can be hard to know for sure
when is which
listen to our heart
listen to your mind
and listen to your conscience
all three combined know what is right

people are wrong
and the same time
people are right



This is my first try at poetry. I dotn think its that good but what do I know about poems. Be sure to tell me what you think and C&C.


Last edited by Mr Dragon on Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:25 am; edited 4 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Sun Jun 27, 2010 11:42 pm

Whoa :o nice, I liked it alot. Only issue I myself had with it...and its not even one that bugged me, just noticed it, is typos :x but otherwise it was amazing, cant wait to hear more
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:31 am

Oh very nice keith.. very very nice indeed. I agree with what Nap said here though. It seems very simple but the meaning is deep. Very good for a try! Awesome Keep it up! =]
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Twin Dagger
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:34 am

Do you both really like it? It was soemthign that I just decided to do. I told myself yesterday "maybe I will try to write a poem" and that jsut came to my mind without thinking. It jsut came as I typed.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:42 am

Laughing Good on you then!! Just keep writing! XD
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Twin Dagger
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:44 am

Dont worry GG I will be. It may be a while before a new poem but there wil be one at some point.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:49 pm

Very deep and very soulful. It speaks to something that I think most of think about, but never really express. Refreshing to hear it from someone else.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Jun 28, 2010 7:39 pm

Meh, I thought it was rather nice. Like they said, typos. But you can still tell what was being said...which, really, is what matters.

I be waiting for more.

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Lady Blood
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Jun 28, 2010 9:35 pm

i loved it ur really good at poems u should so write more.
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Twin Dagger
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Jun 28, 2010 9:36 pm

I will write more, I am thinking I have thought of a title for my next one.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Tue Jun 29, 2010 4:36 pm

Lady Blood wrote:
i loved it ur really good at poems u should so write more.

Sam, please capitalize and spell out words.

And as I said, I be waiting for more Keith.

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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Tue Jun 29, 2010 7:11 pm

It was good. You got the feeling..and had some rhythm in it too. I liked the 7th and 8th stanza best. Dunno why so dont ask me. =/ Or...well I do know but I dont feel like saying it, actually. Though....from the 9th stanza...I need to ask you a question, Are the words you wrote true to you?

All in all, it was good. You get better and better at every piece you write so dont worry about it if you think its not good. Hope their will be rhyming in the next poem though, Im a sucker for them. tongue
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Tue Jun 29, 2010 7:44 pm

Yes CC I do believe it to be the truth. Even though a lot of times I do care about what other people think of me, like if they think im a liar for example. I still do think that what I said in that poem is all entirely true.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Tue Jun 29, 2010 11:26 pm

You write in a style similar to my best friend.Nice job.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Fri Jul 02, 2010 9:22 am

Perfection

Perfection,
you are perfect
I am perfect
what to believe

perfection,
nothing wrong
always right
or so it seems

perfection,
picture,
two different words
intertwined into
one thought they be

without the picture
there isnt perfection
with the picture
you have perfection

picture of perfection
is not as perfect
as most believe

picture of perfection
is different for
you and me

I like a listener
you like a talker
I like a tall person
you a short one

Perfection is a picture
Of what we see is perfect
Perfection is picture
Of were we see
there is no wrong

I have heard several times no hundreds of times where a guy will tell his girl that she is perfect and she will find some reason to say that she isnt so i wrote this poem based on how that idea works.

Dont forget to post how much you liked it or not liked it. Or how it could be better or just some helpful hints overall.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Fri Jul 02, 2010 11:31 am

This is good..I see you had some rhythm in it....you seem to have improved in my opinion, if you compare it to the poem before this one. Hmmm I think you have some misspelled words in there that you need to overlook, other than that great! Keep writing.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Thu Jul 08, 2010 10:20 pm

Time

As time ticks away,
Things all, are kept at bay.
As time keeps going,
Something...keeps growing.
As time passes,
part of me just crashes.
Once time seem so still,
Now all it seems to do, is kill.
Time was once a friend,
now it does not even bend.
What time could once heal,
Now it can not even seal.
Time is never ending,
and also unbending.

I know it is short. But I still like this one. I think it might be the best of the three to be honest but I would like to here what all of you think of it.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Thu Jul 08, 2010 10:25 pm

O.o You wrote that? OMG THAT WAS GREAT!! I loved your rhyming and the rhythm you put in it! Though I loved more the theme..and you are right..I did like it. So..thats the 3rd time your right? tongue 5 STARS! If thats the max..if it isnt them whatever number the max is.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Thu Jul 08, 2010 10:27 pm

Yes CC I did write that. I am glad you like it. Yea three times. I was given mroe stars for the poem than i have been right. lol
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Fri Jul 09, 2010 8:49 am

:O I'd have to agree with CC! Your improvement is clearly visible in that poem compare to the first two. I loved reading it Keith. Loved the theme, how the words rhyme in the end etc. Keep it up dude. That, I think is your best to be honest. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:02 am

Thanks GG. Im glad to hear that people think im improving. Maybe I will spend a little more time on the rest of them as well.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:17 am

You should. I mean, you'll get addicted, somehow. xD Not to mention, you are improving as time goes by. Smile And no probs.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Sun Jul 11, 2010 7:02 am

Eeehhh maybe the next poem will blow you (or us) away! or at least be better than the one before. Ok well me waiting for next piece. ^_^
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Sun Jul 18, 2010 9:59 pm

Poem update! I wrote these today except the one I started while I was at camp and finished today. There are three and please C&C

Gone

The music is done
almost as quick as it begun.
The friendship has ended,
never again to be mended.
There is no more fun,
only just the sun.
The greens will come,
and come no more.
The music is done,
almost as quick as it begun.

That is one that I wrote today.

Friends

Through the reds and greens,
friends are there.
From the east to west,
friends are there.
Over the ocean,
through the woods,
friends are there.

But fights are made,
friendships frayed,
only to be forgotten.
There is toils,
there is troubles,
friends are no longer there.
There is danger,
there are snares,
friends have disappeared.

There is good,
there is bad,
there is no one there.
Lost in the woods,
thinking no one cares,
one lone man will come.
There is one friend.
Through all the wrong,
and all the right,
there is always,
that one true friend.

This is another one I wrote today. If only that one true friend was here right now in real life.

The pain of love

Love is like a vengeful blade,
the hurt and the pain,
and the sting that is made,
hurts not only the heart,
but also the brain.

Love is like a deadly gun,
the bullets kill and bring much blood.
And of all the kills,
it is matched by none.
The tears it has brought,
has started a flood.

To some it is great,
to others it is not.
Some have found their mates,
The others, they have not,
but instead been left to rot.

This one I started at camp and finished today.

Sorry about the overall negative theme but it is how I feel and poetry is supposed to express the authors feelings so....

What do you all think about it? please C&C on all three of them. I like the bad just as much if not more than the good so its ok to tell me what is wrong.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Sun Jul 18, 2010 11:24 pm

Not bad. I might have to try to post some of my poetic ravings and bloddy sadnes...
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