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 keiths poems

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Thorned Hope
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Jul 19, 2010 7:44 am

O.o This is actually good Keith...I love your rhythm and rhyming very much and the themes to them. Like the first one best then the third one and the second one. Keep it up.
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Twin Dagger
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Jul 19, 2010 8:33 am

CC I kinda agree with the order of them from best to least.

People please dotn forget to C&C.
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Jul 19, 2010 9:26 am

Death Knight wrote:
Poem update! I wrote these today except the one I started while I was at camp and finished today. There are three and please C&C

Gone

The music is done
almost as quick as it begun.
The friendship has ended,
never again to be mended.
There is no more fun,
only just the sun.
The greens will come,
and come no more.
The music is done,
almost as quick as it begun.
Hmm.... THis one is good. Short but the message is clear. I have to agree with that though. :/

Quote :
That is one that I wrote today.

Friends

Through the reds and greens,
friends are there.
From the east to west,
friends are there.
Over the ocean,
through the woods,
friends are there.

But fights are made,
friendships frayed,
only to be forgotten.
There is toils,
there is troubles,
friends are no longer there.
There is danger,
there are snares,
friends have disappeared.

There is good,
there is bad,
there is no one there.
Lost in the woods,
thinking no one cares,
one lone man will come.
There is one friend.
Through all the wrong,
and all the right,
there is always,
that one true friend.

This is another one I wrote today. If only that one true friend was here right now in real life.
O.o I love this dude. This is a good poem. You have included all the ups and downs of having a friend. Of having to find that TRUE friend which is just nice. Keep this up. Well written though. Smile

Quote :
The pain of love

Love is like a vengeful blade,
the hurt and the pain,
and the sting that is made,
hurts not only the heart,
but also the brain.

Love is like a deadly gun,
the bullets kill and bring much blood.
And of all the kills,
it is matched by none.
The tears it has brought,
has started a flood.

To some it is great,
to others it is not.
Some have found their mates,
The others, they have not,
but instead been left to rot.

This one I started at camp and finished today.

Sorry about the overall negative theme but it is how I feel and poetry is supposed to express the authors feelings so....

What do you all think about it? please C&C on all three of them. I like the bad just as much if not more than the good so its ok to tell me what is wrong.
*sighs* This is just perfect. I can relate. :/
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Thorned Hope
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Jul 19, 2010 3:14 pm

Yes...I think that third poem is one that everyone can relate to... >.>

Anyway I shall be waiting for the next poem Keith ^_^
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Captain Tezuka
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Tue Jul 20, 2010 10:14 pm

If I post some will you reply Keith?
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Tue Jul 20, 2010 10:16 pm

Post them on your own thread and I will reply. I will get to writing more. I have a few thigns to do the next couple of days and then it might be a couple mroe days before the first line jumps randomly into my head like usual.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Wed Jul 21, 2010 9:52 am

Okay. in a few days I'll post some poems. I look forward to input.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Wed Jul 21, 2010 9:55 am

And now I will warn you for spamming my topic. Do it again and I will report you to the mods.

Please remember that I want to knwo what I can improve on for my next poems.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Thu Jul 22, 2010 8:31 am

Death Knight wrote:
And now I will warn you for spamming my topic. Do it again and I will report you to the mods.

This is where I step in and say, Keith, Talon is a Moderator, No point in reporting him to himself.......

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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Thu Jul 22, 2010 8:34 am

OK then admin how is that?

I have started my next poem and am hoping that it is done soon. Sorry to say its not gonna be one of my more happy ones.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Fri Jul 30, 2010 8:34 am

Ok here is an update. Its not the one that I said I was writing up above as something happened last night between someone who is probably the best friend I have in real life and made her upset and she thinks that I think her incabable. Well enough ranting so here is the poem.

Apologies

Apologies are made,
and sorries said,
but even these,
can not change,
what was said.

The things you do,
the things you say,
are too numbing for a redo.
If only the tongue,
could be kept at bay,
then the friendships,
would never sway.

Apologies are made,
and sorries said,
but even these,
can not change,
what was said.

What once was ancient,
and ran so deep.
Is now broken,
and left to creep.
All since the right words,
were all but spoken.
Now the friendship,
it seems, may be broken.

Apologies are made,
and sorries said,
but even these,
can not change,
what... was... said.

I wanted it to be longer but I just couldnt think of more to put in it when the pencil stopped moving and I had to think. So I know its not the happiest of poems but I would like your C&C on it.

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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Fri Jul 30, 2010 10:24 am

Awesome, I love the flow your starting to get in your poems.
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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Fri Jul 30, 2010 10:41 am

Lol! I agree with lexieh here dude! It's awesome and I like the theme. Actually, not like. I kinda love it, in a way since.. Well, I reckon it's because I love the overall message. The flow of it is good too. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Fri Jul 30, 2010 11:27 am

Cool poem. I like the rhythm and rhyme.

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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Fri Jul 30, 2010 2:41 pm

Sad That was good Keith. You are really improving...may I ask what happened? Like the rhythm and rhyme.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Fri Jul 30, 2010 2:52 pm

Im glad that people think im improving. Yes you can ask what happened CC.

Thanks everyone for the comments. Is there anything that I can do better?
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Fri Jul 30, 2010 2:58 pm

Maybe work on spelling. Razz
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Sun Aug 22, 2010 1:20 pm

I was thinking kinda hard earlier and while I was doign that I came up with this. Hope you like it and please C&C.

War among Friends

The empty holes,
that rest inside,
created by fighting,
and endless they be.

These holes, what can fill,
nothing, so long as people do kill,
the killing of friends,
is what causes these rifts,
the murdor and betryal,
makes things go adrift.

To cure the rifts,
and end the quarrels,
one lone man,
stands in the middle.

Friends on both sides,
with his arms spread so wide,
trying to find,
that middle ground.

As he is lost,
and drops to his knees,
his friends continue,
this huge bickering.

All alone in the middle,
with no one to help him,
searching for answers,
to help his best of friends.

Then, off in the distance,
rides a great white horse,
he comes to help the man,
but is shot down instead.

This battle has started,
with bullets soaring by,
the friends not caring
only to keep on shooting instead.

The man, he is shot,
by one who is friend,
the man, left to rot,
because of this dread.

He is now dead,
this young brave man,
with his arms still spread wide,
and still yelling "no, please stop".

The one lone man,
did everything he could,
to stop this fight,
and bring back the light.

But in the end,
only he saw the light,
in the end,
it was his blood that was shed.

And still the battle raged,
with no knowledge of the man,
the war cries still shout,
KILL KILL KILL.

The friends faught,
and did not stop to see,
the destruction,
that they brought.

The fighting continued,
as people charged on,
the beating and bleeding,
all leaveing deep scars,
upon the friends,
of the now dead man.

Alone and forgotten,
the dead man lay,
with the battle surrounding,
where he will stay.

With his arms stil spread wide,
still trying to stop, this endless parade.

One of the friends,
took a step and looked down,
he saw the red and the blood,
of the man that is now drowned.

The friend then knelt,
and knows what he sees,
the man drowned in bullets,
and blood red seas.

kneeling there helpless,
his head hits his knee,
but the armies kept going,
even though the friend,
is now on a knee.

Seeing the friend,
the other one fires,
the bullet soars,
and the friend drops dead.

With the friend now dead,
the war is put to bed,
the loss of two people,
is what this war did bring.

One lone man,
stood alone in the middle,
shot down for helping,
and is now dead.

That I think is my longest poem yet. Keep in mind that I wrote it today, so if it seems rushed that is the reason. Please C&C
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Sun Aug 22, 2010 1:48 pm

O___O OMG!! THAT WAS TOTALLY AMAZING!! Though..whos the lone man? I liked the rhythm and your word choice....OMG sorry that was good I cant take it in... Embarassed
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Sun Aug 22, 2010 1:51 pm

CC I think that many people here right now could figure out who the lone man is. I will let a few more people comment before I say it though.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Sun Aug 22, 2010 3:09 pm

The lone man with arms out wide is Keith.

I don't know about the white rider or the friend kneeling down to help and is shot, though.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Sun Aug 22, 2010 3:18 pm

Yes spence you are right in saying that the man is me. The rider is more just to prove more that the man is alone and that no one is helping him. Not only is he alone but also failing.
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:24 am

The long lonely trail.


The long lonely trail,
is held by a thread,
too small for a rail,
too big for the dead.

Beaten and broken,
the old trail now is,
the story will be spoken,
by the great old griz.

This path lead many,
still hundreds were lost,
this journey it showed,
came with a great cost.

The people they followed,
the leaders they lead,
but some still got swallowed,
by the casyms, great dread.

One man was claimed,
as he made the great fall,
one girl remained,
watching it all.

She soon knew,
that he had just fell,
knowing not what to do,
she dove down towards hell.

The rope she did grab,
and the man, she did too,
only getting a scab,
she climbed true.

The top of the pit,
they soon did reach,
and all again was lit,
plus safety for each.

man and women together,
across the great trail,
forever and ever,
to share this great tale.

This is my latest work, I have decided (with someones help) that I should begin to write a little again. Hope you all like it and be sure to C&C, please at least post.

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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:33 am

*grins* I liked it. Somehow, I can't really explain the reason or something behind the poem. It's deep. All I know is that, I get it but I don't... Well-written though.


Last edited by Mozzie on Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:44 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: keiths poems   Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:41 am

Good to know that you liked it, I can't explain it either to be honest, just another one that went pop and then was there. Not sure where it came from it just came to me.
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