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 My compositions.

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Artrain
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PostSubject: My compositions.    Fri Aug 06, 2010 6:45 am

'M finally getting to put the three that I wrote over here. BE, GG and Hasan have already read these, so I'm thankful for their comments. I've also shelled out small explanations for each of my poems on IF, so I'll be doing them here.

Alright, here's the first one. Like on IF, I'll say again that the credit for this one goes to BE and Silverine (another member from IF) for making me try my hand at this, and to Hasan through whose poetry I learned a little bit that I know of it.

Waiting

He bides his time,
Waiting in the depth,
Chained, tortured, but alive,
A seed of absinth.

Feeding off pain,
Sorrow, hate and despair,
Hungering for love,
The only true cure.

His heart is a void,
No warmth there dwells,
Cold eyes and words acerbic,
Adjudge his ails.

But now the time is near,
Broken have been the gates,
Only the chains hold on,
To the assassin who awaits.


This one is completely allegorical. 'He' refers to the part of the mind that takes over when all that the person cares about has been lost. A last resort for the mind. And 'assassin' is used as a metaphor for 'he'. Rest I will leave to connect for yourself, though you are free to ask things that you want...

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Last edited by Artrain on Fri Aug 06, 2010 6:51 am; edited 1 time in total
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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Fri Aug 06, 2010 6:51 am

Next one up.

Feeling

I feel,
The pressure building,
Increasing, till it’s overwhelming.

The comprehension,
Of being surrounded,
By a force not to be abated.

A revelation,
Something so powerful,
Can yet be such blissful.

It seems,
Like I am drowning,
In an expanse of love, ever continuing.


The purpose of this one, was not exactly to describe love, but feeling in general. There are only two key words: 'blissful' and 'love'. Change those and you can change the entire meaning of the poem, and use it to describe any other feeling...

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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Fri Aug 06, 2010 7:01 am

Third one up,

Searching:

The space,
That stretches on to infinity,
The darkness that envelops
Creation of ingenuity,
I look up at the night sky,
Searching for the stars.

Unchanged by time,
It seems,
Untouched by the grime beneath it,
That teems,
The moments pass as I look on,
Searching. Still searching,
But the stars are gone.


A short one this. It is in part metaphorical, in part clear as what it seems to be.

Hope you liked reading these. For those who have not read them, please tell me any suggestions, or thoughts, or anything else thats in your mind as you read these. For those who have, feel free to repost your thoughts... Smile

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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Fri Aug 06, 2010 9:07 am

Artrain wrote:
Next one up.

Feeling

I feel,
The pressure building,
Increasing, till it’s overwhelming.

The comprehension,
Of being surrounded,
By a force not to be abated.

A revelation,
Something so powerful,
Can yet be such blissful.

It seems,
Like I am drowning,
In an expanse of love, ever continuing.


The purpose of this one, was not exactly to describe love, but feeling in general. There are only two key words: 'blissful' and 'love'. Change those and you can change the entire meaning of the poem, and use it to describe any other feeling...
Oh wow, Mr. A!! I loved this poem! Hmm.. You can probably guess why. I especially loved the part about te revelation, "something so powerful, can yet be such blissful." You know, that just explains everything to me. Well done! :D

Artrain wrote:
Third one up,

Searching:

The space,
That stretches on to infinity,
The darkness that envelops
Creation of ingenuity,
I look up at the night sky,
Searching for the stars.

Unchanged by time,
It seems,
Untouched by the grime beneath it,
That teems,
The moments pass as I look on,
Searching. Still searching,
But the stars are gone.


A short one this. It is in part metaphorical, in part clear as what it seems to be.

Hope you liked reading these. For those who have not read them, please tell me any suggestions, or thoughts, or anything else thats in your mind as you read these. For those who have, feel free to repost your thoughts... Smile
Lol! I don't know what to say about this. All I know is that, for me, it kinda implies the concept of stillness. I don't know why. >.>
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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Fri Aug 06, 2010 9:59 am

Cold Stinks wrote:
Oh wow, Mr. A!! I loved this poem! Hmm.. You can probably guess why. I especially loved the part about te revelation, "something so powerful, can yet be such blissful." You know, that just explains everything to me. Well done! :D
Hah, thanks Gs. Sure it would apply to you. ^_^

Cold Stinks wrote:

Lol! I don't know what to say about this. All I know is that, for me, it kinda implies the concept of stillness. I don't know why. >.>
Yup, to each his own. I'm glad I was able to convey something for you through them. And thank you for commenting again... Smile

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Fri Aug 06, 2010 10:18 am

Artrain wrote:
Cold Stinks wrote:
Oh wow, Mr. A!! I loved this poem! Hmm.. You can probably guess why. I especially loved the part about te revelation, "something so powerful, can yet be such blissful." You know, that just explains everything to me. Well done! :D
Hah, thanks Gs. Sure it would apply to you. ^_^
LOL, it sure did! tongue And you're welcome Mr. A! ;)

Quote :
Cold Stinks wrote:

Lol! I don't know what to say about this. All I know is that, for me, it kinda implies the concept of stillness. I don't know why. >.>
Yup, to each his own. I'm glad I was able to convey something for you through them. And thank you for commenting again... Smile
Heheheeh... Of course, it would. ;D and again, no problem! :D
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Matt
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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Fri Aug 06, 2010 11:45 am

I gotta say Ar, I knew you were good at poems but I didn't think you were THAT good >.>

I really liked the first one, mostly because of the choice of words :D
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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Fri Aug 06, 2010 3:43 pm

Matt wrote:

I gotta say Ar, I knew you were good at poems but I didn't think you were THAT good >.>
:O Me? Good? Oh puh-lease, I'm no poet. Just three times I've been inspired, and I wrote them out. I'll leave the writing to much better people like GG, and BE, and Feral, and Napsy, and Vamp, and Hasan, and Colm (on FL), and all others. I prefer just reading them. 'Tis much easier Smile

Matt wrote:

I really liked the first one, mostly because of the choice of words :D
Yup, it was my favourite too :D Maybe because it was my first, or maybe because I spent most time on it. Thanks for reading... ^_^

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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Fri Aug 06, 2010 4:04 pm

Of course it is! Because the only thing you're moving is your mouse, and your eyes O_o

Writing takes a pencil (Which you have to go get), to move your wrist and to tear your mind apart for ideas :D
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Sophia
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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Sat Aug 07, 2010 8:23 am

Well you told me some time ago that you had written some things, and I went looking for them on IF afterwards, though I don't think I ever told you that. Well anyway...I'm certainly not a poet, so what I'm saying means very little, but all three of these were absolutley beautiful. I don't remember what I was thinking now when I first read them all those weeks ago, but I do recall standing up after reading the poem entitled 'Searching' and finding I had tears in my eyes. (Yes I know...very dramatic of me as always, might have just been down to yawning or the room being dusty or who knows what)

Well I agree with Matt, I knew you had a way with words but I wasn't excepting to read anything quite this magnificent. I didn't have much of a clue what the first one was about to begin with, but I probably liked that one best, the words all fall together so perfectly, and it's eerie in a way, how those sort of words provoke a sense of tranquillity, well to me anyway.

I see what you mean about the second one, though how you were inspired to write something that could describe any kind of feeling, I don't know.

And the final poem, when I read it first I assumed it was just about the stars, but to me it conveyed something different really.

I got nothing in the form of suggestions, all I can do is admire your skill. Well that is enough from me now I think. Despite what you said I hope you don't actually intend to leave the writing to other people.
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Artrain
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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Wed Aug 11, 2010 2:20 pm

Hmmm... wrote:
Well you told me some time ago that you had written some things, and I went looking for them on IF afterwards, though I don't think I ever told you that.
No you didn't :O

Hmmm... wrote:

Well anyway...I'm certainly not a poet, so what I'm saying means very little,
*laughs* Poems are not only meant for poets to read, but for everyone to enjoy if they can. What you say means just as much, if not more, as what any professional poet might have said. Smile

Hmmm... wrote:

but all three of these were absolutley beautiful. I don't remember what I was thinking now when I first read them all those weeks ago, but I do recall standing up after reading the poem entitled 'Searching' and finding I had tears in my eyes. (Yes I know...very dramatic of me as always, might have just been down to yawning or the room being dusty or who knows what)
*laughs harder* Yes, I think it would have been the yawning.

Hmmm... wrote:

I didn't have much of a clue what the first one was about to begin with, but I probably liked that one best, the words all fall together so perfectly, and it's eerie in a way, how those sort of words provoke a sense of tranquillity, well to me anyway.
Hmm, tranquility eh? Thats very interesting I must say.

Hmmm... wrote:

I got nothing in the form of suggestions, all I can do is admire your skill. Well that is enough from me now I think. Despite what you said I hope you don't actually intend to leave the writing to other people.
Why thank you dear Smile Its always such a pleasure reading what others thought of your work. I'm glad you put out what you got from them, and made such a generous post. I only write when I get inspired, and I get inspired very rarely, thats why haven't written any more works. But will try. I think I can see something to write another one about...

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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Mon Aug 23, 2010 5:22 pm

For you.

Missing

Like the summer’s grass, dry and ailing,
While it holds on to the earth, for rain it is waiting,
I miss you. . .

Like the ache of a bird, caged, longing to fly,
To extend its wings, as it thinks of the sky,
I miss you. . .

Like they cold, grey moon, wanting to glow,
To let out its shine, like a liquid silver flow,
I miss you. . .

Like the heart that has stopped, the lungs which seem still,
My breath is held,
I wait for you. . .



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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Wed Aug 25, 2010 12:13 am

Found it....my oh my...sorry, just a little lost for words maybe. *smiles*
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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Mon Aug 30, 2010 4:32 am

Wrecking

Thunder sounds, dark clouds roll,
Obstructing the radiance, invoking the dole.

The wind picks up, rain starts to pour,
Black waves rise, turbulent to the core.

All sails are dropped, hope is unfurled,
Only one thought plagues the mind: Where will I be hurled?

The storm barrages on as moments pass, and finally it is over,
Wind slows, rain stops, silence falls, and calls upon the augur.

Dark clouds now give way, for Cimmerian night to unroll,
No stars for comfort, no moon, to shine upon the wrecking of the soul.


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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Mon Aug 30, 2010 5:19 am

Nice, Lost for words all that comes out is, NICE!

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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Mon Aug 30, 2010 11:37 am

O.O I really liked the 'i miss you'!!! Somehow, I did imagine myself doing those! 0.O great poem, Artrain!! But the second one was good too, though, I liked the first one better! :D
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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Tue Aug 31, 2010 3:27 pm

Sirius Black wrote:
Nice, Lost for words all that comes out is, NICE!
*laughs* I know the feeling. Thats the way I always get reading others poetry. Well, I'm glad I managed to do that to you. Smile

Voldy Poo! wrote:
O.O I really liked the 'i miss you'!!! Somehow, I did imagine myself doing those! 0.O great poem, Artrain!! But the second one was good too, though, I liked the first one better! :D
*grins* You know, I thought you would say that. About you imagining yourself doing the first one. For obvious reason of course ;) Well, thank you for commenting, both o' you... ^_^

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PostSubject: Re: My compositions.    Mon Sep 06, 2010 8:01 pm

I like them, you keep the ryhming tight and the allegories plentiful.
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My compositions.

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