Battle Zone
We think you should log in. Don't you?

This is the site for everything and anything you want to talk about. Want to discuss the latest games? Done. Want to have fun? Done. This is THE place to have a great time.
HomePortalFAQMemberlistRegisterLog in

Share | 

 Spirit: A tale of everlasting love

View previous topic View next topic Go down 

Join date : 2010-03-11
Posts : 74

PostSubject: Spirit: A tale of everlasting love   Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:59 pm

Chapter 1: The Worst Day

It was a terrible day. For her, for him... for everyone this story touched. He was twenty seven, married with two kids and a promising job as a police officer. He had it all, he was kind and polite, friendly and loyal. A testement to the fact that the good truly die young. He was coming back to the station after his shift, just phoned to tell his wife he would be home soon and to say goodnight to Jessica and William. As he rounded the corner he saw a man running with a handbag, he turned on the lights and stopped. The man turned and swore reaching into his jacket and pulling out a handgun, firing three shots. He barely had the time to register what was happening and was dead before the ambulance came. His wife, Louise had his dinner heating up and the table ready, looking forward to their ninth anniversary, almost a decade of marriage. The phone rang, she dashed to it, thinking that the worst that could happen was that he would be held up.

"Louise Arber?" said a voice

"Yes?" she answered, cautiously.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news, It's about your husband..."

"What?" she shrieked, hysteria kicking in.

"I think you should come to the hospital, Mrs Arber. Dr Spencer will be expecting you." the voice said, adding "Take your time." She moved through the house in a daze, packing some snacks for herself and picking up the phone and dialling.


"Angie? It's louise... I need you to look after the kids... Something's happened with..." she was unable to even say his name.

"Jesus, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just hurry." she put the phone down and sat in an armchair. When the doorbell rang she answered it and just told Angie what to do with the kids in the morning, leaving and getting into D... her car. She drove the short distance to the hospital, parking quickly. She headed to the reception and waited.

"Yes?" came the impatient voice of the nurse.

"I'm Mrs Arber, my husband is here."

"Oh... hang on." she grabbed the phone "Yes, Dr Spencer... Mrs Arber's here... Right away, Doctor." she hung up and looked at Louise "Dr Spencer will be up in a moment, lum." She sat down, staring at a magazine, unable to take it in. Not long after, a shadow appeared over the magazine.

"Mrs Arber? I'm Dr Spencer. Come with me."

"Wh... Which ward is he in Doctor?"

"He's not in a ward, I'm afraid. I'm afraid your husband is dead. I can't possibly imagine how you're feeling right now. If you need a moment, please take it."

"No thank you, Doctor, I need to see him." she said, a steely look in her eye.

"Of course, Mrs Arber. Here we are." He held open the door for her and led her to one of the little cupboards. "This is him, take your time." he said as he withdrew. She could see him, his long-ish hair... he was getting it cut tomorrow... his handsome face... as if he were asleep... his full lips... going blue now... his rugged skin... pale and lifeless. She broke down, crying over his body. There was no disbelieving it now... Her husband was dead. Her children would forget their father, she was alone. She looked up and wailed, screaming one word into the sky.


She fell to her knees and looked at her reflection in the clean floor. This wasn't right! They were supposed to grow old together! He promised! her mind shouted, childishly, wishing for her husband back. Dr Spencer came back and put a hand on her shoulder, gently squeezing.

"Do you want a ride home? I can call you a taxi..."

She looked up and stood, turning to the Doctor.

"Yes please." She took one last look at her husband and allowed herself to be led out.


Note I was drunk and suffering from a severe case of jelly mind, so the prose may ba a little trippy. Here's hoping Chapter 2 will be better.
Back to top Go down
Lone Wolf
I am such a post-wh*re and I am proud of it.

Join date : 2010-03-09
Rank : Technical Admin / Webmaster

Posts : 2523

PostSubject: Re: Spirit: A tale of everlasting love   Thu Mar 11, 2010 7:37 pm

OK you have a good Chapter 1, but I can't really Critic till I see more.
Though a little more description would be nice, what the place looked like, the travel to the hospital.........

There are so many people out there who say, "You can't."
What you have to do is turn around and say, "Watch me."
Back to top Go down

Spirit: A tale of everlasting love

View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Battle Zone :: Works by Members :: Writers Hangout :: Fanfiction-
Jump to: