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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: fiction story   Sat Oct 09, 2010 7:46 am

That would be exactly what he meant Matt.

And DOn't worry, I'll do it as soon as I can use the Comp.

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Sinitar
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PostSubject: Re: fiction story   Sat Oct 09, 2010 8:05 am

<.< That's not what I was saying. It's a bit invasive for a mod to edit someone's post without permission, is it not? Besides, I was not totally serious. Proper spacing and paragraphing of the story is an author's duty, not the mods. Why so serious? Razz
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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: fiction story   Sat Oct 09, 2010 8:11 am

Can you never take a Joke Gabz?

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Mozzie
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PostSubject: Re: fiction story   Sat Oct 09, 2010 8:18 am

Sheesh! ANd that is what I call spamming. -__-

Heh, sorry about that, Ken. THough, whats with the attitude? lol! Laughing I was kidding. Hahaha xD


Anyway, I hope you can update? >.>
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kenet2904
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PostSubject: Re: fiction story   Sun Oct 10, 2010 5:04 am

in my defense, I copy and pasted that from my word document, and it is all arranged and the spacing and paragraphs are all in place, but when I copy and pasted it,
it went just like that, and I kinda felt lazy for editting it,

now- i just editted it, the spacing didn't work i mean the indention , i dunno why,
but the paragraphs are all sorted. . .

i have a question:


i am planning on posting the next couple of chapters but i don't know what to do, do i make a new thread for that or just post it here ? in comments or whatever u guys call this text box. .
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Sinitar
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PostSubject: Re: fiction story   Sun Oct 10, 2010 6:07 am

Well well, it definitely looks better than that menacing wall of text. To post chapters, simply reply in the same thread with the chapter, like I do I am here! click me!
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Matt
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PostSubject: Re: fiction story   Sun Oct 10, 2010 8:31 am

Stop advertising your story Gabs! XD

Anyways, like Gab here said, all your chapters need to be on the same thread...Imagine how many threads we would have about his story if it was a thread per chapter... O_O
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kenet2904
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PostSubject: Re: fiction story   Sun Oct 10, 2010 10:20 pm

ok, thanks guys. . .

i really appreciate it,

now, how to post a picture?
i want to post some of my drawings and art works and I don't know where to post it,..

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Lone Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: fiction story   Sun Oct 10, 2010 10:24 pm

Post them in the Art Section.

Art Section. <<< That is a link BTW.

Make a topic in there, and put your Art up...

Have fun.

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PostSubject: Re: fiction story   Tue Oct 12, 2010 8:27 pm

Chapter 4: My True Hero


“Piece of cake.” I said. I was just gonna walk away from the scene when the guy named Dan tripped me and send me falling on the ground and it really hurts.

“You think this is over?” He said to me. Then he sat on top of me. He’s really heavy. I struggled and squirmed, but he’s too strong.

“You’re gonna pay for what you did, ya know?” Then he spits blood beside me. Then he grabbed my neck. I can’t breathe. Another guy recovered from my beating and ripped my dress, exposing the top of my breast.

“No, please” I said, my voice is shaky because I’m really frightened right now.

The two guys laughed maniacally. “Somebody help!” My voice is hoarse because of my scream before. My eyes are closed, wishing to wake up and get out of this nightmare – Then I heard a struck, like a punch or a kick, I opened my eyes and saw the two bad guys On the ground moaning in pain. Then the man who saved me from those two helped me up.

I looked at him and I’m guessing he’s only in his late 20 ‘s. He’s better looking than the other one, and I noticed a mark on his forehead and holy crap! The mark is glowing red, like shiny red. “Thank you for saving me, but I think your entrance is a little bit late” I said, not moving my gaze on his glowing mark. “How can I ever repay you?” I just said those for my dramatic effect.

Then he held out he’s hand like he’s expecting me to give him something.

“What?” I asked him.

“Where’s the money? “ He asked me.

“What money?” I asked him back.

“I save peoples’ lives, and in exchange they pay me, that’s kinda my job” He told me and still waiting for me to give him money.

“But I don’t have any money.” I told him.

“Oh, I just wasted my time here,” He asked then started to walk away slowly. I just stand there. Then he looks back then walks slowly again.

“Wait! – “I called to him.

“Aha! I knew it! You do have money.” He said and he’s grinning like a maniac.

“No! I’m just wondering if you could take me out of this place.” I said.

“Get lost lady I do not have time for this.” Then he walks away with normal speed.

I don’t have any choice so I followed him. A couple of minutes later of following him, he noticed me and he started to run.

“Hey! Wait! Don’t leave me.” I yelled to him. I started to run and I noticed that my dress is destroyed and it’s showing half my breast. It’s embarrassing even though there are no people around except for the tattoo guy.

He’s really a fast runner, and I couldn’t keep up with him. It’s getting dark and –. People are starting to appear in this place. They’re mostly guys, and I’m starting to get scared. What if these guys are like the guys before? I run even faster but I could see the tattooed guy is too far now.

“Shit.” I said. Then he turned left, and I followed quickly. After that, he turned right then left, and left again. I followed him with all my energy left, and I’m really exhausted. The last time I ate was the breads I stole. I need to follow him, because he is nice. He saved me.
Finally he slowed down and entered on a beer house. I entered the beer house and I saw him sitting near the counter.

“Uh – look, sorry I don’t have any money to pay –. The guy turned his head to look at me. He’s not the guy who saved me.

“Is there anything you want?” The guy said.

“Sorry, wrong person.” Then I walk away. What I did was really embarrassing. I didn’t see where I was going and bumped on something hard and I realised it was a person. “Sorry” I said looking up at the person because he’s really tall and big and smells really bad.

The guy looked at me suspiciously and says “Are you new here?” He looked at me like he was gonna eat me. “Want to have some fun?” he said and took a step making us too close with each other. “There are a lot of vacant room upstairs.”

“No, thank you.” What are you kidding? Do it with him? Not that I would want to do it with any other guy but, seriously? I walked away then he grabbed me on my waist.

“You are coming with me upstairs whether you like it or not.” He said and chuckled like he just won a jackpot.

“Somebody help! Anybody! Someone! Please!” I yelled inside the beer house, but no one seems to care. I grabbed hold on a pole but he just pulled me easily. “Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Help me.” I feel like crying.

We got upstairs and he pushed me inside the first room and as I landed on the floor I think I broke my left arm and my head hurts. My plan is to jump out through a window but there’s none in here. I also looked for something that I could use for a weapon, but there’s none, the only thing in this room is the bed. He’s blocking the door with his whole body. How the hell am I gonna get out of here? I’m feeling a little bit dizzy because of my head.
I screamed again and I hope someone came in and help me.

The guy laughed maniacally. Then He stopped then he just landed on the floor with a really loud thud. The man who saved me from that horrible man is –.

“You?! Again?” The tattooed guy said. I can recognise him because of his glowing red mark on his forehead. “I guess you won’t be paying me, again.” He said.

“Thank you, again.” I said without saying anything else. I’m tired and exhausted. I looked at him and he was looking at me. He helped me up then I heard a loud noise and it’s really annoying and I know what that annoying noise was.

Everything went white and really bright so I closed my eyes and the time I opened my eyes, I am awake now. My alarm clock is still making noise so I got up and felt dizzy. I looked at the mirror and saw blood, and my arm is hurting a little bit.

Taking my mind off my head and arm and I remembered my dream.
In my dream, I was in an old city with full of maniacs but a tattooed guy saved me. That’s right and he saved me twice.

“OMG, that’s where I got my head hit and my arm broke.” My realization is really dumb but I think I’m right.

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kenet2904
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PostSubject: Re: fiction story   Tue Oct 12, 2010 8:37 pm

Chapter 5: The Red Mark


I got to school on time today and I got my result on my calculus test: A big fat C -. Just thank goodness I still passed.

That’s pretty much it, that’s all what I can say about today. I did my schedule, which are: Do the laundries and dishes, give my dad more beers, do home works and the sandwiches for tomorrow. I hate this life. Life in the reality.

I lie down on my bed and thinking about my dream last night. What happens to me in my dream happens to me. Kind of cool but what if I die in my dream will I die here too? “Well that’s shit, if that happens” I said to myself. I went through my schedules again. I forgot to do my home works for Social Studies. I got up and pulled my Social textbook from my bag.

I am really tired to do this now so I lied down again still holding the textbook. I heard some footsteps from outside my room. I know it’s my father and I’m tired for today and I won’t do anything he wants me to do for tonight. So I shoved the book under my pillow and turned off my lamp immediately. I pretended to be asleep.

The footsteps continue and stopped. He grumbles something sounds like “I’ve got work tomorrow.” He said that to my sister on the other room. He walks again and kept still until the footsteps were gone.

I didn’t realize that I fall asleep and suddenly I’m inside the dream again.

I’m in the middle of the crowd in the city again. I tried to get away from all the people and breathe. While breaking through from the crowd, I remembered what happened here the last time. I remembered the tattooed guy too. And speaking of him, I saw him not far away from me.

I ran after him, I’d call him but I don’t know his name. I ran even faster and I was holding something in my hand and it’s heavy too. I looked to see what was I holding and I’m shocked to see my Social Studies textbook. How did it get here? I shoved that off of my mind and started running again but I think I lost him so I started to ask questions about the tattooed guy.

I first asked to a guy sitting on a corner. “Have you seen a guy with a red tattoo on his forehead?”

“No, I haven’t seen a guy with a red tattoo” He said quickly.

Then I asked the middle aged guy selling herbs and medicines. “Have you seen a good looking guy with a red tattoo on his forehead?”

“No, but am I good looking enough to be your man?” The guy said with his brows going up and down. I get out of that store quickly. That just freaked me out.

I tried another one “have you seen a good looking guy with a glowing red tattoo on his forehead?”

“You’re looking right at him?” He said. Oh gosh, people here are psychos.

I tried again, “have you seen a good looking guy with a glowing red tattoo on his forehead? He says he save peoples’ lives to have money.” I said to the woman selling different fabrics.
“Ooh, him? People call him the demon. But he’s nice I know him” The woman told me.

“Really? Do you know where he lives?” I ask the lady.

“Yes – Ooh, there he is!” the woman pointed on a guy talking to a girl.

“Thank you” I said in a low voice but I think she heard it. I walked towards the guy and it’s him. He gave a candy to the crying girl and he looked at me.

“Hi” I said. Then he turned back to the girl. Looks like his comforting her. Then a woman came shouting a name then the girl run to the woman and hugged each other.

The girl was lost and he was trying to help her. He is really nice. I’m touched. He helped me too but I never thanked him before and I’m gonna do that now and I’m gonna try to pay him back no matter what.

“Thank you for saving me, I don’t have any money but I’ll do anything to pay you back.” I said, but I wasn’t sure if I’m serious about the last part.

“Really?” I saw his face lit up and I’m starting to regret what I said.

“Yeah?!.” What have I got myself into?

I heard a horn which came from nowhere, then people started to panic and I thought it was some emergency or something but I looked around and all the people around me was bowing. I saw a horse carriage and saw a man with heavy gold and silvers around his neck and glistening diamonds and all sorts of jewellery.

“See that man on the carriage? He’s the emperor of this place” he told me. “You said you want to do anything to pay me back right?” He looked at me and says “You think you can get me one of his jewellery?”He asked me with an evil voice.

I don’t have any choice but to pay him back. I stood up and ran towards the emperor. “Excuse me? Can you give me one of your jewellery? I need to pay my –“The guards stopped me from getting closer to him.

“You don’t talk to the emperor like that!” One of the guards yelled at me.

“No, I need –“ The other guard slapped me in the face and it hurts. All the people are looking at my direction and a group of guard with their spears ready running towards us. Looks like I’m in trouble.

When the group of warriors are about to point their spears at my neck, a guy suddenly jumped in front of me and looks like he is shielding me from the guards. I knew that it was the tattoo guy did that.

All the guards seemed to be awestruck by the glowing red tattoo on his forehead. “Look! His forehead! It’s red, it’s glowing red!” All the people made a shocked sound.

The Emperor stepped out of the carriage and all the guards and people made respect, they all bowed their heads, we’re the only two who stayed standing up. I looked at his face and inspected it, he’s good looking and he really looks rich.

“Interesting” the emperor said really soft, looking at the guy’s forehead. The tattoo guy stood still. “Tie them up” the emperor said and the guards acted quickly and we got tied up.
We marched to the emperor’s castle which is really tiring and I’m really thirsty and hungry. How long till we get there? We entered the gate like half an hour ago and we’re still walking. How big is this land owned by the emperor? A few minutes later the two of us was sent to a room.

“Stay here” The guard ordered.

“OK, what’s the plan?” I asked the tattoo guy but he didn’t answer. “I take down the closest guard and you take the two over there, then we run” I said. He still stood there. Then another guard came entered the room.

“The emperor wants you now.” The guard said and we followed him. We reached the emperor standing in front of a door. It’s pretty big and it’s designed with gold, silver and diamonds. It kind of reminds me of the gate I found in the all-fog dream.

The emperor smiled at us and opened the door by himself. He waved his hands in, wanting us to enter before him. The two of us entered with a guard behind us then the emperor closed the door. No one spoke for a couple of minutes and I heard something behinds us and sounds like the emperor is trying to light a match stick. When he got his fire, he lit a candle and like a chain reaction, another candle light up and then another one and another one. When all of the candles are lit up I looked around and it’s beautiful. The candles made all the things around us look like gold, because of the candles’ golden fire. In the middle of the room was a statue. A statue of a big eagle with its wings half extended and the blazing blue and red fire beneath the statue gave it a dramatic effect.

The emperor walked in front of the statue, he stared for a bit then faced us. “You two are the fulfilment of the prophecy.” We stared at him. What the hell is he talking about? “The prophecy written a long time ago says that two young being will come forth to save our country.” He said with a hint of a smile in his face, but we still don’t get it. We just stared at him. “A young man with a red blazing tattoo on his forehead with a maiden from the otherworld who wears a dress as white as the clouds of summer and a blazing blue tattoo on her forehead as well.” He said now, getting a little bit annoyed. He probably thinks that I know their history or myth but no, I still don’t get what he is saying. I think the red tattoo guy is just as clueless as me. “That two young being are you two” He said. How did he know that I came from somewhere else?

“Ooh?!!” We both said. I just did that because I don’t want him to really loss his temper. I don’t know if the tattoo guy really knows now what he’s talking about.

“You! Young man what is your name?” The emperor said so sudden.

“Rafael” He said.

“How about you young lady from the other world. What is your name?”

“Sairyll” I said.

“You should decide whether to save us or to be banished from our lands forever.” He said, looking a bit creepy now because of low light and weird air of awkwardness inside the room.
“What?” I said.

“You have to decide, stay here and save us or stay in the otherworld and be banished from our land forever.” He said like it’s a really hard question. Well it is a hard question.

“I – I don’t know.” I said. I heard the annoying noise of my alarm clock and I know that my time here is over, for now.

“Remember, you have to decide. Choose what’s inside your heart.” He said for the last time. Then everything went bright and I closed my eye. I opened it again and I’m back.


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Sinitar
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PostSubject: Re: fiction story   Mon Oct 18, 2010 7:06 am

Sorry for my absence. My internet decided to play a game of keep fallin' down, and there was little I could do to get it back up. I will read your story and review it as soon as I get some free time, ok? I got 6 hours of college tomorrow, 4 wednesday OMG EIGHT HOURS! on thursday, and I have to learn on a daily basis if I don't want to start off poorly.
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