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 Heartless

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Old Amsterdam
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PostSubject: Heartless   Tue Jan 18, 2011 12:40 pm

Light as a feather, a figure stepped forward. Clothed in darkness worse than night, the figure moved without making a sound. The overall shape was humanoid without specifics. This...thing...would best be classified as a man's shadow given solidity and life. Red slits stood in place of eyes. Red as hell's fire. Everything else was absent in the darkness of the eerie figure.

All around the figure flowed streams of blood. Nay, rivers of blood. Some were bright red while others were more purple than red. A steady Thump-Thump permeated the air at regular intervals, the only sound to be heard. The figure walked in a giant chamber, the walls of which vibrated and thudded in time with the steady rhythm of Thump-Thump. the chamber compressed slightly with each Thump and the rivers flowed slightly faster, if only for a second. the figured ignored it all, however, and slowly walked its way towards the center of the chamber.

Nothing and no one else was present besides the dark apparition, a lonely sight. Lonely if not for the evil that flowed from the figure. The closer the figure got to the center of the chamber, the more this evil became apparent. Tendrils of the same look of the figure started flowing out of it, slowly getting longer all the time.

The figure finally made it to the center of the chamber. Instantly the chamber's walls began to darken. With the figure as the epicenter, the darkening of the chamber spread quickly after a very slow and agonizing start. Soon, the rivers of blood and the chamber were darker than anything...except the dark figure. Once the entire chamber was completely changed and painted in darkness, the figure diappeared. But it didn't leave the chamber.

...It took the chamber with it, leaving a void behind.

The figure, known only as the Darkness, took more than just a chamber, it took a structure. A very important structure. At least one life would be affected. But it would be much more likely that many lives would be affected. That's what the Darkness wants.

That structure that was stolen by the Darkness?



That was a heart.

~~~~~~~~~

Author's Warning:
This world has many evils, the Darkness being but one of the most potent. Watch that you don't lose yourself, through your heart or any other medium, to it. It's not a pretty outcome.

I speak from experience.

Losing the battle isn't an option any longer. You lose yourself and those you love; not some battle.

Side Note:
I'm sorry. I truly am. I'll fix it, or else I really don't deserve you. Thanks for another chance, but I need more than that. I need you at my side. I need your support. Ask for anything, I'll try to deliver. My heart isn't stolen, it's healing.

But now, more than ever I fear, you need me. And I will be there. Forever and ever, babe.

~ Shane, "Rain Stinks" ~

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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 18, 2011 12:47 pm

Shane this is amazing, you should really write a full length story if you can write like this.
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 18, 2011 12:51 pm

I agre with Keith..and it's....deep. Umm, I'm kinda speechless? lol COntinue this please?
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:07 pm

Well, I'd have to rework it entirely. And you guys would already know the outcome, cause what you see now would be the story.

I suppose I could try. It might take a while, though, since I'm pressed on time.

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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:09 pm

Leave the little one up though, cause its just that great.
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:12 pm

It doesn't matter... we can wait and you should know that by now. lol
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:14 pm

Lolz, I was planning on keeping this up. If I do another, it'd be a separate topic.

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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:15 pm

Oh..okay... it's up to you. WE are just readers. lol ;)
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 18, 2011 3:18 pm

Lol, but one of an author's most prominent duties is to listen to those who read their stories.

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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 18, 2011 6:41 pm

Though you still make the decision, but we do think you should continue it.
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Wed Jan 19, 2011 9:46 am

Wow Shane, the imagery in this is amazing. A good balance of detail and feeling that sends a chill down my spine...
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Wed Jan 19, 2011 10:08 am

That's what I was ultimately going for, the Chill Effect. And I was really hoping I could splice out the imagery side of my writing for you guys to see.

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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Sun Jan 23, 2011 3:38 am

Although, what made you write this, if I'm allowed to ask? I mean, like Lexieh said, the imagery was good. We can't deny the fact that you have reached your goal of making the readers see what you were seeing (e.g. description=chill) if that makes sense...
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Sun Jan 23, 2011 11:36 pm

What made me write it?

Well, everything in my heart. The fears, the worries, the hate. The Darkness, in other words. That's the personal-only side.

Then there's your situation currently. What's happened to that one person you know, I summed up. That person, in one way or another, lost their heart (in a way, in my mind) to the Darkness.

And then there's the situation in the world. The guns, the violence, the senseless killings. The babies crying, the gas filling the lungs of little ones, the destruction, the death. It's like more people are falling victim to the Darkness, in more violent ways.

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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Mon Jan 24, 2011 10:27 am

Now that you said that, it's making me think that the chamber acts like a shield there. And because the 'darkness' took it with him, the structure (which is the heart) didn't manage to protect itself from that entity because that structure, as far as my interpretation goes, is too soft? I mean... let's put it this way, if we compare it to people, if you don't have people to lean on and people to guide you (the chamber), you (the structure/heart) have the possibilty to lose yourself in darkness... if that makes sense...
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:27 pm

That makes perfect sense GG, and I think that you may be right, or at least thats about the same thing I am getting from it.
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Mon Jan 24, 2011 10:58 pm

LOL! Only Shane could tell that. THat was just my interpretation. x)
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:32 am

I only have to say weird interpretation. In my mind's eye, when I created and look back upon this, this is how it goes:

The structure/heart, that is the chamber...and more. The Chamber is just one chamber (one of four) of the heart. The rivers are the blood that flows through each chamber, except I made it both oxygen-rich and oxygen-depleted blood flowing through in multiple flowing rivers. The Darkness, once inside, poisons the heart. Overtime, the poison spreads out from the epicenter, the Darkness. Given time, it takes over completely and fails. It becomes no longer compassionate, no longer caring. It is dead, a stone heart. Once it reaches this state, it is weak. But, if it fights, it could dispel the Darkness and recover, given enough time. With this story, however, the heart isn't strong enough to fight, and thus is lost to the Darkness for eternity. It can never heal, it will always be evil. The person is, in a way, Heartless. They are cold to all others, and evil inside.

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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:40 am

Well, seriously, that's kinda creepy to me. I don't know. I mean, when I was reading your post, which is to say your interpretation, it kinda game me the 'chill'. :S Like..it was odd. Meh.
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:46 am

Once again, that's the effect I'm looking for. Basically, anything relating to me with this story, I want to cause chills.

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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:51 am

Yes, but that post gave me 'more' chills...
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:17 am

Well, I suppose it should. I mean, it's more of an explanation for why you would get chills in the first place, I think. It's more understanding, I guess.

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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Wed Jan 26, 2011 10:04 pm

If your plan is to give chills you have indeed done it to me. Good job.
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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:03 am

If I make any corrections for this (not length), I'll put the original in a spoiler and put the new one up underneath that. Just for the record.

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PostSubject: Re: Heartless   Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:18 am

Oh... alright then. Just update, update.. Smile
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